Virgin vs. Ho, take one.

13 Sep

I found out today that a friend of mine is a virgin.
How unlikely is it, a virgin and a ho being good friends?

Where does one even go to find a virgin these days?
I don’t know. I give virgin lessons to geeky 20something/30something males,
and indian boys….but a virgin female is like…seeing the last unicorn walking about the fucking city.

I was explaining to her that in real life, the only time I have ended up with boyfriends is (literally) when I have thought to myself,

“sigh, I want you to be my boyfriend.
The only way this will happen is if I fuck you now. “

And then I take the guy by the hand, drag him back to the nearest bedroom, and as soon as the fucking becomes a regular thing, we are a couple. If it wasn’t for taking the guy back to the bedroom myself, I would never get laid, because most guys don’t talk to me.

There was one other time I got laid outside of this rule. It was when I wore pointy heels and when I wore a shirt that put my boobs right out there. In real life I am a t-shirt & sneakers girl but when I wore pointy heels and a cleavage shirt, the guy knew, “game on.”

But I have found that if a guy wants to fuck me, and I let him do the chasing…
first off, the fucking isn’t very good.
Secondly, I feel like a slut whore because it was all for nothing and I usually don’t even get off.

Some months ago, Mr. Wrong said, “It’s all about the mental buildup for you, the moment leading up to that point, isn’t it?”

I realized he was right: I’m all about the mental buildup, and all about conquests. Yet….if I lay out all the cards and set it up JUST SO, and the GUY doesn’t ultimately “drive it home” – I am disappointed. This is why I end up with mostly taken men. Taken men are perfect for conquesting. They like to drive it home, they know how to fantasize and daydream…and hopefully they are good at giving head. All things younger men are not so good at.

If I could hire one of my married guy friends to just go down on my friend so she’d feel fucking AMAZING, I would.

If you’re a guy, you can do that. You can hire somebody to help your friend get off. Not when you’re a girl. What the fuck. Can you even imagine what a brothel filled with straight “working men” would look like?

I bet there would be a bunch of really hot heartbroken women cumming in for some amazing cunninglus.
It would be so damn beautiful. Conversation would be useless. All of the men would have mouths too tired to talk, from licking too much pussy.
The younger men would be up for conversation though, because younger men are better at fingerbanging. (Why don’t older men like to fingerbang? I don’t get it.)

Back to my friend, though
I was trying to tell her that her happiness was more important than what God thinks,
and if she needed a companion and most BF/GF things require sex, then SO WHAT if her relationship with God takes a detour.
She can come back to it later, or just find a church that’s down with fucking!

We were discussing what was worse…
people finding out she was a virgin or people finding out I was a whore.
That was one of the questions of the night that we didn’t answer.

Sometime later, oddly enough, I got a random text from a friend who was probably at a party or something:

“Your secret is out but it wasn’t me, it’s all you.”

Damn right its all me! I suppose I’ve told a “couple people.” about my hooking habits…………yup.
Strangely, I feel like I’ve gotten more respect with my guy friends (and men in general) once they find out I am a ho.

Being able to talk openly about sex has done wonders for my friendships, whether its a friendship with a virgin, or a friendship with a 50 year old man.
Sex is something everybody needs to talk about. I think everybody needs to be hedonistic once in a while. The Greeks did…why not us? My job has taught me – it’s GOOD FOR YOU.

Plus when you do this job, you find out a lot about your friends real fast. The true friends I have left?

They know I won’t judge them,
and they don’t judge me.
In my friends, I think that’s
the best you could ask for.

P.S. If Jesus was the only one who didn’t throw stones at the whore, maybe he was fucking her.
Just a thought.


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