AM I really meant for this biz? Pondering…

21 Sep

Brothel Babe has asked the question.

The question every legal prostitute probably asks herself in the first week….but for me its taken a little over a year:

“Is it time for me to leave this business?”

I was talking with my new ho friend Ashley. She said she came here for reasons other than getting rich.

“For the other girls…they are here for the money. I think you and I might be the only ones here for different reasons.” She said.

How can I know its close to the time I’m supposed to leave?
I can give you a collection of reasons.
The first set of reasons have all been compiled within the last week.

I pondered working part time during the day to balance things out…i.e. I could do like some girls do who work a job in the day, then work here at night.

I did some other work.
It didn’t feel quite right.

I’ve tried socializing with people other than brothel staff and fellow prostitutes. Although the socialization was fun and its cool to hang out with people who have similar interests…the next day all could do was think…

“Well, that didn’t feel quite right either.”

Hell, Ashley and I went to the grocery store and we spotted a hottie clerk and she even convinced me to do the “phone number handoff.” We gave the digits to the female clerk in the next aisle. She gave it to him for sure because 24 hours later…he’s texting me.

Like Goldielox trying out a new life…wouldn’t you know,
that didn’t feel right either!

I talked with my co-worker Asia. She’s been in this business for over 12 years. She told me how you go through this thing where you feel like you are “Wasting the best years of your life.”

Yup. That’s already happened.

She also told me how she can’t even go out in Carson City without being recognized by some guy she fucked, or by the friend(s) of some guy she fucked. Of course, she blocks them out and doesn’t recognize them all, but she knows the telltale look on their faces that says they know she’s a ho.

I told her in my hometown I get recognized all the time too.
Except for reasons other than being a ho.

I’m sick of having to lie to my friends outside of here.
I’m sick of knowing the truth too!

The truth I am talking about?
Exactly how often everybody lies to themselves, and to each other.
Whether they know it or not – it’s like a little piece of your innocence that you can’t get back.

Its ok though. I’ll survive. I’ll just miss it.

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