How to Appear Bat Shit Crazy…

27 Oct

Dear Men,

I now sympathize.
I feel your pain.

This week I have been christened with precious role reversal.
I now understand how it feels when the opposite sex goes “crazy on you.”

Shit you not, its happened to me with four guys this week.
Some cruel lesson of the cosmos, I say.

It might not be that any one particular person is bat shit crazy.
Could be that they are all “crazy lonely.”

No matter how you slice it though, from where I’m sitting, they all look crazy.

What does crazy look like?
It’s a little too interested.
They want to talk a little too much.
If you don’t respond to their emails, cel phone messages, voice mails, texts….they get upset.

These blood sucking vampires haunt you via instant message when you do not pay attention.
This escalates to uncalled for commentary on my facebook wall.
They beg, “CALL ME.”

I say…
“I’m gay.
Eat a Dick.
I want to be alone.
Please stop talking to me.
Please go away.
Leave me Alone.”

They won’t leave me alone.

They think 3 o clock in the morning is a good time to “make a connection.”
Four is a good time to profess their undying love.

They think its appropriate to bug you incessantly, when you have never even met them in person.
They never understand when its time to shut the fuck up.

They have known you for one week,
and feel the need to write messages that say,

“I’ve fallen for you.”
they say
“I love you”
when I never even gave out so much as phone number.

Communication that starts on business
ends with them wanting to know if they have a chance.
In a relationship.
With you.

It’s harassment at its worst.
It’s the kind of thing that could theoretically escalate into a restraining order.

MEN OF AMERICA: Bless your patient and tentative souls.
If I could, I’d go to a brothel to deal with a sane prosti-dude….except I’m too broke.

Thank you, tentative men.
Thank you for your cautiousness.

I understand it.
I respect it.
I appreciate it.
Bless EVERY INCH of your sanity.

The Babe


One Response to “How to Appear Bat Shit Crazy…”

  1. Ceruh November 14, 2010 at 6:27 am #

    it’s interesting how the socializations of men and women (cisgendered and heterosexual- of course) make it so that men feel a sense of entitlement to contact a woman to a degree that is harassment and women are socialized to accept it and “drop their panties” because of the attention that they are getting. The attention that is harassment and may make them uncomfortable, but they should get down on their knees and be so f*cking grateful that someone is pontificating in a way that PROVES they are worthy. That they posses worth, and for them to reject such advances makes them a bitch and being a bitch puts you at risk for being *gasp* alone. And the prospect of being alone can be far more terrifying than the harassment to which they are subject to.
    “Oh dear God. I shouldn’t walk away from this. I don’t want to be alone. I have a shelf-life (often times called a biological clock which relates to reproductive capabilities), and if I am not found desireable (even if it is a desire i don’t reciprocate) by the time I am X number of years old, I will be a crazy old cat lady. Alone. And old alone women are frightening. There is nothing to keep her grounded, no children, no husband. I won’t have any friends because they’ll all be married with babies. I better snag me a man! I am only worth the man I can catch….and this one…well…it is kind of sweet the way he wants to consume me. Right? Love is all consuming right? I’m supposed to overlook this violent behavior of obssesion…I’m not really settling. At least I won’t be alone.”

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