The Power Of Touch – Q & A with my bodyguard.

28 Oct

Q and A With THE  BABE

My body guard wants to know:
Q: “Do you think your former job has changed your view of physical contact and its expectations?”

Answer: it depends on whether I have the “hooker switch” flipped on. I’m so much better now at telling when a guy is sexually interested or aroused that “hanging out” in real life situations (at a bar, for example) can now make me very uncomfortable, if I allow it to.

Reason being, when men have nowhere to vent this uncomfortable energy, it’s much more awkward in a bar than in a brothel.

Unlike in a brothel, we can’t run down the hall to fuck.

No matter how much they say they “don’t want to”, they do, but they “don’t.” because they have “morals.” You see this catch-22 here? In brothels people process their lack of morals via having sex. In the real world, we don’t have this blessing.

When the expectation is,  “I can’t touch you, you can’t touch me” –  you end up with a lot more anger/pent up frustration than you have in a place where people can fuck freely, and immediately.

Then there is the juxtaposition of how I feel because of the imposed morals of the real world. I realize half of what I feel in wanting to touch someone is not what I actually FEEL, but what years of bibles and TV shows have made me guilty for feeling.

What the “outside world” has made me feel in regards to touch (and a lot of things), is a whole lot more conflict.

Its very exhausting:
I do (want to fuck)
But I don’t (because that would make me a ho)
but a bigger party of me simply doesn’t care
(sex is sex, I’m still a ho at heart, etc.)

I think I am a lot more capable of thinking of sex like a man.
Perhaps even more capable at it than some men are.

I see men in my life getting all emotionally open, then the subsequent fear, and the subsequent detachment.

The fear of getting hurt. See, I KNOW that when we have sex, they will love me.  They will be my biggest fan. We will be each other’s heroes. I know by merely the electricity in touching their hand that the rest of it is going to be great. Its magnetics. Touch can tell you so much.

Yet – I lack expectations.
They have a level of expectations I don’t have.
Post job, I sense this more than ever.

I can see that when I try to touch them.

Then I think,“Aww, what’s wrong? Lets go! Lets party!” But…so many men are hesitant to disconnect their brains to their bodies for the sake of doing what is a physically healthy thing to engage in.

I think the physical touch would be healthier for their spirit than sitting around and talking.

I would be less likely to abuse the power of touch, because in my business, I have been taught not to take physical touch for more than what it is.

You might wonder how its different at my old job.
Brothels have such a clear boundary line. We don’t engage in intimate touching that “real couples” engage in:
Such as….

The touching of the face.
The kiss on the lips.
Your fingernails down somebody’s arm.
Stroking somebody’s hair.
When people are only there for the sex, these physical connects are rarely made.

You then start to realize that it is THIS KIND OF TOUCHING where true bonds are formed.
Hands. Hair. Eyes. Mouths. Scalp.
Soft, slow, sensual, and sweet.

The way my views about physical touch have changed is that I know how essential it is to a loving monogamous relationship, and how much I miss it.

Its a crime when somebody you love does not want to be hugged or held.

It breaks me up inside.

In fact, it’s breaking me up right now, bodyguard, as I write this. You know with who.  Oh bodyguard. You know everything. Why can’t things be different?

P.S. My bodyguard also wants to know if dudes pay extra to squirt .
Yes they do, but I don’t squirt….so…darnit.

Apparently squirting is up to 80% urine. Ewwwwww.

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