My friends who inspire my work, netiquette, textiquette, and the weirdos who I hope to have my “assistant” deal with one day.

1 Nov

I am a proud member of the “Groucho Marx Dating Club.”

Meaning, I run horribly from anybody who would have me as a “member” [girlfriend] in their “club” [world].

Actually. No I’m not a member [technically.]
Lately however, I find that nobody gets on the inner circle without a strict unsaid battery of psychological tests.

Most men fail these tests with flying colors before the unsaid testing even begins.

While its “possible” that I would date somebody who was notably interested, I find that most men leave me questioning their sanity when dealing with them through various forms of electronic media.

You might be asking,
“Brothel Babe, what is YOUR etiquette of dealing with electronic media?”

Simple: If I text somebody and they don’t text me back, I don’t badger them five minutes later for not giving me a response. In fact, its unlikely I will respond at all.

There have been some occasions….If I have a “side thought”, its possible I will text somebody with a “secondary after thought” before they have had a chance to reply to my first text.

If I do not get a reply from either of these, I do not bug them for a response.

Why? That would be harassment. I have a very low tolerance for harassment of any kind, and refuse to inflict the same kind of annoyances on those I consider my friends.

What I consider appropriate exceptions to the rule:
Do you like somebody?
Are they a busy person?
There is something I call the “electronic wave” (i.e. a “wave hello”) that I consider appropriate to do when you haven’t heard from somebody in a few days.

What The Electronic Wave looks like:
Should be a text that takes place at a relatively reasonable hour.
Its a text that does not require an immediate response.
It’s harmless, and has nothing to do with hanging out in real life.
It’s like a “facebook poke” via text.

Plus, things get a little tricky when you deal with people on a personal level AND on a business level:

For example a few of my friends, I will write about them in my blog, or I will contact them about helping me with my art projects, I will invite them to my art show.

I do not expect people to read everything I do, or everything I write about them, or respond to every story I make that might involve them.

If anything I feel bad for those of my friends who are regularly inspire my work, because its probably pretty nerve wracking always having to go online thinking, “Oh shit, what did Brothel Babe say about me THIS TIME?”

I hope my dear friends understand that when they inspire a whole fucking story, its really nothing personal. I’m merely writing as much as I can within the next 2-3 months in hopes that I can take the “best of” posts and compile those blogs into a book in print form. There’s not a lot of my friends who I share my blog with who I talk with often. In fact there’s fewer than five of you. You are my wonderful muses and I thank you for that.

Then there’s the rest of you weirdos.
The ones that lack manners.
The ones whose sanity I question.
The ones where I’m oh-so-thankful for maintaining various forms of anonymity.
You should know that if you embarrass yourself and cross the line of what is and is not appropriate with me, I reserve the right to anonymously re-publish your crap in my blog.

I want you to know:
I’m not depressed.
I’m annoyed.
I’m not interested.
Mostly disgusted.
I am talking about work.
You took a turn on romance.
You make me wanna vomit.

Below is some correspondence that I have received since Thursday (its now Monday).

======From my internet stalker:==========

“Aww shit! I’m not stalker-guy right????”
My friend called me, and jokingly asked me if I was.
I never saw the post. Holy shit, that’s just wierd.
Was it the guy with a grey beard? It’s not me!!!
You should of texted us, we would have intimatated the shit out of him/her.

My Reply:
no its you, please stop.

His Reply:
I will, sorry.

2nd reply, 5 minutes later:
I wish you a lovely career, take care.

=======Weirdo #2=====

From the Videographer who asked if he had a “chance” at a relationship:

Hey you…just writing to say hello. I realize how I came off the other day when we were chatting. I am sorry about that, I really did not mean to pigeon hole you like that. I am curious about you…would love to chat more and eventually hang out. Just wanted to make sure my intentions were clear despite how they may have come off…hope all is well and that your projects are going well.

========Back story on guy #3:========
This fellow is actually a helpful fan. I figured I’d partake in a lone phone call with said fan, which took place last nite around midnite. I normally consider midnite an ok time to talk as a nite owl. I will now be re-thinking this idea.

Text next morning after phone call:
9:51 am: Good morning sunshine. When is your bday? I want to see what the secret language of birthdays has to say about you.

I foolishly give my birthday.

10:06: He tells me what my birthday title is.
11:08: [from me] “Dunno what that means, but cool.”
11:47: I’m pretty sure I adore you. You are indeed adorable. If I had the green light I’d be arse over tea kettle in a heartbeat.
11:53: [from me] If only you could explain the rest of the male population and their lack of interest.
12:01: The rest of the male population doesn’t concern me. They’ve only made things more difficult for a guy like me.
12:03: People are trouble. I’d like to find someone worth the trouble.
12:22 [from me]: Not ready for pressure of any kind or dating or a relationship k thx.
12:31: I know. I’m right there with you. I was speaking objectively. It’s good to be en garde but don’t mistake me for a fool.
12:40 [from me]: Need space sorry.

Follow up email, 1:38 pm
don’t be a stranger

Just to clear the air, I just got out of relationship and don’t plan on being in one again for a while (if ever, after the last few). I’m sorry if I said too much or sounded like I was threatening to woo you. I can’t help being open and honest, and you can’t help being adorable. I don’t even know what you look like, yet I find you adorable. I think that’s kinda nice. At the same time neither one of us is where we’d like to be and we’ve both got a lot going on.

If I accidently sent you running, that’s fine, it sucks but I will have live with that. I don’t think we shouldn’t be friends. Let’s not reduce ourselves to anything if we are in fact going to be friends. If I like you, so what? And if you like me, cool. I didn’t say I had the green light. I’ve walked away from quite a few green lights lately. Maybe I’d prefer a red one at this point.

Please know that I don’t expect anything from you, not even a response to this message. Feel free to surprise me, though.

On a good note, I have a couple cool ideas about reading for the video. If you still want my help I’m here. We can talk when you get back. See you then?

Ciao, bella

If you made it this far and you are my friend:

I just want you to have an understanding of this weird bullshit I go through on a regular basis.

Our relatively sane communications are a blessing in my weird weird world.
I’d use the world “normal” – but I know that normal doesn’t really exist.

I feel strange for having ever worked in the weirdest job on the planet,
but I am glad you all are in my strange little life.

You are my salvation from the weirdos.

One Response to “My friends who inspire my work, netiquette, textiquette, and the weirdos who I hope to have my “assistant” deal with one day.”

  1. Brian November 25, 2010 at 7:44 am #

    I totally sounded like some of these guys! 🙂 Why didnt i make the cut??

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