Tomorrow is Hoetry but today is Poetry (exclusive version)

4 Nov

Today I take a creative detour.
I can take one detour day, no?

In case you all are wondering, “Where’s the sex writings, Babe? You’re a sex writer. What happened?”

I can tell you…this…thing…a turn of events…happened
and I felt for the first time like I was losing the ultimate battle by spending my better years in a brothel.

I started feeling like I was losing the ultimate fight.
Anything and everything that was in my realm…
I felt like I was losing at something and I never even had a chance to fight for it.

Its like, if you believe in God…maybe you don’t….the Universe, whatever…
its like the universe was telling me,
“Hey, you are losing your chance at real life.”

Nothing made me feel worse.

That was when I made the conscious decision:

I will find a way out.
This IS ONLY a means to an end,
and I will NOT lose my shot at real life.

You might be wondering…what was the formula?
What exactly was the turn of events?

I won’t tell you everything.
I can tell you tho….
the events included….

A bad ho boss
a good new friend (female)
a lot of tears
a lot of motorcycles…

and…one vibrant kind of person.
You could argue that the reason was a hundred men.
Or the two hundred I fucked….
but….my instincts tell me…no.
It was one. This particular vibrant person.

Yea.
How one vibrant person can make you want to turn the page to see what is happening in the next chapter of your other world is beyond me…

How somebody can be that fucking vibrant to shake me out of my misery….I have no explanation for this.

But it did.
So the last poem is about that….and the first two poems
are about the misery that happened before that.
Enjoy, fuckers.

Close Your Eyes
walking up and down these halls, walk to every bell
pull the strings of my core, i will never tell

close your eyes/one more time/close your eyes

hear the name
hear it twice
i don’t remember

see the face
feel the breath
feels like forever
think of every love
that never will be mine

close your eyes/one more time/close your eyes

hollow walls
hollowed hearts
lips on the skin

lovely words they say
that i will not let in

down the hall
hear the joy
hear the tragic sighs

close your eyes/one more time/close your eyes

We Will Escape
Planning our escape
you and I
climb the fence
try not to get tangled on the barbed wire

go beneath a dark mans clothes.
escape between dirty sheets.
you have your spoon and you will dig beneath

it will take years
they will never notice
no one notices us any more.

plan to borrow
plan to steal
plan to break
plan to learn

we will escape.

Best Of Excuses
they’re crying in the streets, the joy is so pure
things stopped between, so unsafe and unsure

what goes down
must come up…..
i like to say

crowds of giants roar, here is one by my side
not the half preferential for feeling alive
push me into the wall
then they run away

walls of lights in this palace, everyone’s aglow
like the light in the vibrant, yet nobody knows

others leave ripples
the tide isn’t turning today

how can it be that we only get pieces
the best of excuses i made up for leaving

i never said thank you for helping me find better ways.
i never said thank you for helping me find better ways.

you’re the prince
i’m the pauper
forever failure’s daughter
you’re the words
so unnamed
i’m the wreck
i’m the shame
the reasons for leaving
there’s many
there’s few
the pit feeling losing
that battle was you
too tired
too broken
too sunken to say

i never said thank you for helping me find better ways.

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