Bad dream sequence.

11 Nov

I’m not on drugs.
Somebody asked me today if I was.
The answer is no.

Stress does weird things to your body.
I’ve hardly eaten, because eating seems so worthless.
I bought pedialyte.
It helps.

A couple nights ago I had a dream and I woke up scared.
A homeless man was looming over me.
He had a long dark beard like rob zombie.
I was hiding on the side of the road, perched in this deep hole I dug for myself…
[my dream world analogies are oh-so-clear! Freud would love me!]

….Behind a car for shelter…yet I was trapped in this hole in the dirt…praying no one would find me.
Until I saw this presence there. This bearded man.
I was paralyzed and tried to tell him “No, please, no” but I couldn’t. In my dream I couldn’t speak.

It was at this moment that I woke up. Totally gasping and out of breath, scared and cold.

I was upset that I woke up at this moment. I wanted to continue the dream….
I was angry that my dream got cut off and started thinking,
“Maybe he was a man who just LOOKED scary, but I didn’t have a chance to hear what the scary man had to say.”

Yes, I was upset that in my dream I didn’t have a chance to see if this dark and mysterious man was somebody who could actually help me.
Which goes to show you,
after 16 months at this job, I no longer judge by appearance.
Working in this job, you realize…

Ugly people can help you.
Fat people can help you.
Scary looking people can help you.

In my dream, I was willing to explore,
and wait,
and see…

if this person who scared the shit out of me,….

was actually kind.

I think I woke up right about at the point he was going to give me a blanket to keep me warm.

SO at this point I am freezing my ass off. Lying down, out of breath in my bed.
Heart racing. Gasping for air. It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream.
Immediately I shake myself out of it and go down the hall to get a blanket.
I am too scared and shaken up to take the time to find my glasses.
I turn the corner of the hall,
and right then,

My cat and I proceeded to scare the shit out of eachother.
I screamed at him, and he screamed at me.
We both ran the other way,
because we were so fucking scared.

Isn’t that funny?


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