My birthday last year.

10 Dec


Do the rest of you do this thing where you think of where you were exactly one year ago today?

I do.

I started thinking of my birthday last year.

I was at a ranch that is close to Las Vegas. I originally had planned to go there a week. The money making had been so terrible that I decided to do the unthinkable and work through my actual birthday. I figured, “one more day won’t hurt.” My birthday fell on a Sunday, and my plan was to drive a few hours back home to celebrate and have a birthday dinner with my family.

Secretly a part of me wanted to stay at the ranch during my birthday so I could have my co-workers wish me a happy birthday. I felt like I was closer friends with the girls at this ranch than I was with my friends back home. If anybody was going to give me a happy birthday, it was going to be them. I had stayed for the holiday party which was so festive and fun. At the party one of the regulars taught me how to two-step….I took a cell phone photo with a bar patron who happened to look like Santa Claus, and I was wearing something sparkly and felt like the belle of the ball.  The decorations were festive – lots of holiday lights and a giant Christmas tree in the parlor.

They covered this HUGE (8 foot tall!) S&M chair of worship in Christmas fabric, so when you sat in it, all of us girls looked suddenly miniature with our feet dangling off, like little kids waiting to tell  Santa what we wanted for Christmas. I also got to see one of our regulars, Terrence, dressed up in full drag for the first time. He wore a polyester dress and it made him smell funny. A guy in his 50s who went to school for music but had a terrible singing voice…Terrence did Karaoke at the bar every week (where he would often wear hi heels) but he would never “party” with the girls. Even though his voice was bad, we’d let it grate on our ears because his kindness made up for it.  Terrence is one of the swell guys who would come to the ranch because he likes to visit us.  He would always ask the girls about their makeup and it was a fun day when Terrence let us put our lip gloss and mascara on him. Terrence was so festive at the holiday party in his wig and Christmas dress – he even wore white gloves.

Ahhhh…Holiday season at the ranch.

Two girls I had gotten particularly close with…. one was a blond named Caroline. She was spending time there to take care of a medical bill of hers. She had a southern accent, green eyes, and interestingly had a Japanese mother so she had this blond-yet-exotic look about her. She could only hear out of one ear because she had been in some kind of gang related crime somebody fired a gun right next to her head…so she could only hear out of one side.

Whenever the bell rang for a lineup, somebody would have to phone her room to make sure she heard. If you wanted to talk to her, you had to sit on her good side at the bar because with the music playing, she couldn’t hear a word you were saying from her bad side. We were both from the same home town and when things were really slow at this house, she started telling me about this place that an older co-worker of hers used to work at. It was an escort agency secretly run in an upscale hotel in New York. She said, “Guys go there every hour on the hour. Like clockwork. Our pussies will hurt but we will make so much money!”

In my two week stint there, we talked about running to New York a number of times. We even talked about getting a place in San Diego together. I mostly nodded like that was a great idea (NO WAY – NEVER LIVE WITH A HO!) But having a fun girl roommate was nice to daydream about, nonetheless.

The second girl was Danica – who was one of the first girls who started really educating me about open relationships. She and her husband lived in Florida. When we were in the getting to know each other phase, Danica said, “Want to see a picture of me and my husband at our wedding?” I said sure.

She shows me a cell phone photo. They look like such a happy couple except something is missing: Neither of them are wearing any clothes.

It is in this moment that Danica reveals to me that she and her husband are nudists and live in a nudist resort.

“Don’t you wear clothes in the winter time? Do you even HAVE clothes back home?” I ask.

Of course she says, when its cold you wear clothes and hats and scarves.

“What do the children do, do the children roam around naked? How does the school bus thing work?”
“Did your family have to be naked to attend the wedding?”

Her mom, dad and sister all went to the wedding topless, she said. AMAZING.

For weeks she had been telling me about trying to sell their house in Florida and she had tried to explained that their house is a specialty kind of property.

“Ohhhhhh that’s why you can’t sell it – its a house in a nudist resort.” Putting 2 and 2 together, it all made sense then.

Danica is one of those intelligent girls you want to become friends with on the outside…that is if she ever makes it out. As the months have gone on at the Ranch, Danica and her husband found somebody to rent their house in Florida, her husband got a full ride scholarship to go to law school in Vegas, and they found an apartment in Vegas to rent out. So the plan is that Danica works full time in the ranch and puts her husband through school, and then once her husband is through with school and is stable with his law career, he supports her and she gets to pop out a couple kids and the NOT work (aka just be a mom) for a few years of her life, and then she will go back to school when the kids are out of diapers.

I tried to tell her that she had it backwards and that if she knows she wants to go to school, she should do that before she pops out kids, because a lot of dreams get put on hold once family duties take over.

I also tried to make sense of how it was possible that two people could trust each other enough to financially put each others lives in the other persons hands. Danica met her husband when she was 17 and he was a year or two older, and they had been friends for 10 years. Being each others best friends, this was easy.

As for their open relationship, it came with agreements: Danica would call her husband every time she had a client (she doesn’t like to do quickies like I do) and he was of course free to fuck whatever person he wanted.

When things got emotional between whoever he was fucking, it would end, because for them, the cheating consists of developing an emotional attachment.

Oh P.S. Did I mention Danica is one of my first girl crushes? Yeah there is that. Leave it to an intelligent woman who has her act together to make me question my sexuality for the first time.

Back to my birthday!

I toasted my birthday with Danica and with Caroline….my boyfriend and I had been fighting regularly about how bad my money problems were….the less I could see him, the worse things got. Danica and I had these heart to hearts where I would get so upset when I heard about what a great relationship she had with her husband and how wonderful she thought he was…and I didn’t think that well of MY boyfriend…and suddenly being with him didn’t feel so right.

So the day I decide to go home, there is this terrible car accident on the freeway.

I’m talking about the kind where traffic is stopped,
nobody moves for an hour
people start pulling over to smoke cigarettes
we get out of our cars to talk to truckers in the next lane
try to find a place with a decent bush to pee behind where there is actually some privacy.

It was horrible. I hardly moved anywhere in three hours.
I was going to miss my own birthday dinner.
I called my mom crying, saying traffic on the freeway was so horrible that we wouldn’t be able to do dinner that day,
and dinner would have to wait until the next day.

When I finally DO get home, all I want to do is see my boyfriend because I haven’t seen him in two weeks.
What does my boyfriend decide to do?
In the wisdom of his 26 years, he calls me and says
He’s going to go down to this place where this band is playing because he wants to join in on the music jam.

Did my BF not get the memo that when its the day after your GF’s birthday,
it should still be treated like her actual birthday, and anybody who had as
shitty of a two weeks as I did should be treated like a fuckin princess and doted
on after experiencing the worst traffic of her life?

OH NO.
My boyfriend did NOT get that memo.
He didn’t even come close to getting that memo.
All I did was cry for the longest time while being stuck on the freeway,
and I had serious burnout,
so all I could do was cry at him at how retarded he was being when I finally got home.
I was so angry I didn’t want to see his fucking face. I merely wanted to shout at the phone.
I yelled at him and said “GO, GO TO THAT SHOW. HAVE IT YOUR WAY, I’M GOING TO SLEEP, I’LL FUCKING SEE YOU TOMORROW!”

One of those crowning moments of glory…
one of those tests
where the BF had failed so miserably….this was probably the beginning of the downfall of our relationship (in hindsight…)

I ultimately went to the place where he was going to be anyway.
I took some pills to help me relax (Hey I pop pills when I need to!)
waited til they kicked in,
and showed up all pleasant faced.
Checking my FUCKING ANGER at the door in favor of some goddamn HOLIDAY CHEER.
I felt like a loser who deserved much better for herself that day.

The next day (dinner with my family) was much better.
thankfully.

I hope my bday this year turns out better.

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One Response to “My birthday last year.”

  1. Neo_Anderson69 December 10, 2010 at 5:48 pm #

    Well then Happy Birthday this year & hope it’s way better than last year

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