Fuck Yea Mental Health! And Family.

22 Dec

I’m taking myself to one of those clinics!

Seriously though….
I watched this movie last nite:

Because I’ve been talking about atheism lately.
I thought everything this movie said was what I needed to hear.
God gives you life, but you make your own decisions.

He puts you naked on this world, and the rest is up to you.

It’s become apparent that I REALLY REALLY need new friends.
The longer you spend time in the adult industry there’s a couple sides:

1. You’ve got your ho friends
Ho friends are not the kind of friends that you allow in your regular world unless you want your world privy to getting turned upside down. Its the secret code of all legal ho’s and we all know this…and only the classiest of ho’s from the classiest of brothels cross over into hanging out in real life.

There’s lots of ho drama on the ho front, so you don’t want to deal with that.

2. You’ve got your regular friends
When all your regular friends have some kind of opinion to give you on why you should quit and why the sex industry is bad for you, or how you should see a therapist, or get a “real job” even though you can’t find one – this is not good for the psyche.

I’ve found that I have trouble listening to any of my so-called “friends” when I can’t look up to hardly ANY of them for what they have done for themselves in their lives. I have more credentials, I do fewer drugs, I drink less alcohol, I’ve churned out more creative goods…I haven’t “struck the big time” yet – but I’m not beating myself up over the fact that I haven’t. When all of your “friends” talk about how poor they are, depressed they are, unhappy they are….how they want boyfriends and girlfriends but are unwilling to take the necessary steps of life to get those things…its time for new friends.

3. You have fellow writer industry friends
Lemme tell ya – I LOVE THESE PEOPLE. So far I’ve related to them better than other people as they seem to have a better lock on the world than most artist types. They are thinkers, they are more logical, they are more reasonable…some of them are interviewing me, some of them are paying me…but a huge part of me wants to hug them and say, “hey, can we be friends?”

4. People in sex and porn
I don’t feel like I fit in with these people. I feel like I’m the black sheep of the sex industry since I’m the whore who won’t solicit herself, say where she works, and has never been in a porno, or stayed on meth for any length of time. I’m not an exhibitionist of the sex industry, and I don’t want people to be voyeuristic with me. I just want them to read my shit. Sex industry people don’t understand this, since the blood rushes to their crotches and they think with a different brain. I’m sure some of them out there will like me, but their giant wangs and saline titties leave me mostly scared, and I’m a baby who wants to hide in the corner.

5. You’ve got your Family
My mom is the worlds biggest ball buster. My older brother calls me his “favorite little whore” -, my aunt and uncle know I’m up to something, but the worst thing to deal with is mom.

She yelled at me for my anger management problems the other day.
How can I improve my mood when nothing in my life has improved…I tell her.
I explain I need new friends.
I say “you can’t cut everyone off all at once.”
and she says, “well sometimes you should.”

thanks mom.


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