Hi-tech Ho Dating v 3.0

22 Dec

I missed Mr. Wrong (remember him?) by a landslide.
He was up in the mountains while I was up in the mountains…
Had I picked up my ho-phone, there could have been some kind of rendezvous.
But alas….there wasn’t.

On facebook I spotted a pretty bird while randomly adding people.
(Not Bambi’s facebook which is this one…my personal one, which you’ll never see.)

He’s attractive
and I find him attractive
annnnd…somehow we got on the topic of dating.

Oh yea I said I “didn’t believe in monogamy any more.”

I told him I was a writer.
Then I told him I was an exotic dancer.
Just to dip my toes in the water.
Since telling people you’re a ho is too much to handle.
It’s been a while since I’ve told any new people I’m a ho,
but I figure, why not try the exotic dancer thing and see if it works out.

Wouldn’t you know, the same group of stigmas about lack of trust with a guy and how hard it is on the guy comes up…
and he asks me things like

“Do you ever intend to quit stripping?”
“How long do you plan to do this?”
“Do you see yourself getting married, having kids?”

I said, “I do but I’m on the slow plan.”

I tried to ask him how it was any different with the trust issue if a person was traveling a lot for work and he said that the inherent sexuality thing was a problem as there are boundaries.

I explained that on the contrary I feel more comfortable working in a brothel or in a strip club environment because my male co-workers are more professional and (oddly enough) do not constantly ogle me, like men do in real life.

I said “What if it’s just a job and I treat it like a professional, just a job?”

The poor fellow couldn’t wrap his head around it.
Then he was like “Well can I get your number?”
SO I being honest tell him I’m going to give him my work number, not the real number….

We had talked earlier about trust and I said I start off not trusting anybody and that I believe trust is earned…
and he tells me he’s the opposite…

so when I give him my work phone number,
he hems and haws about having to “jump through hoops.”

I tell him,
“Well I don’t date, and I don’t like dating,
and I’m not into one night stands or drunk sex….
I can hang out platonically right now. Is that cool?”

Yea, I was kind of a bitch.
I was a total bitch.

Because when he asked for my number I was like
“Well what do you want it for? Dating, texting, hanging out?”

The poor man couldn’t come up with a straight answer.
“I like to hear voices.” he says.
I say “I dont usually pick up the phone….”
“So what you’re saying is you’ll be generally unavailable?”

Answering his questions was so awful.
I felt like such a douche.
I reminded him I am a handful,
a wild one, not to be tamed,
married, settled in any way.

He kept implying that there were things I wanted to say that I wasn’t saying.

Oh. I had a lot that was left unsaid.
I wanted to say, “Don’t bother with me I’m not worth your trouble!”
or say, “I’m a whirlwind of terror….you want a nice normal girl, look elsewhere!”
or “I’m experimenting with my gay tendencies right now, I’m more interested in women. If you aint a lezzie, getthefuckout!”
or “not til I fuck my guy friends brains out….I have to get that out of the way first. He’s been on my to-do list for months.”

He’ll probably text
or call
and we’ll probably never hang out
since he started going on about
trust and when the subject came up again he said all sunshiney-like:
“This is why therapy is so great, it helps you work through all that past pain.”

I’m thinking. “Oh us fucking geniuses figure it out on our own. Most of our therapists are dumber than we are.
We go to them and tell them what prescriptions to write for us, and in most instances, they do.”

Shit you not.
My doctor hands out whatever pills I ask for, no problem, since he knows I know my shit.

He said “If you’re so smart then find a way to be satisfied with life.”

Was Bukowski a happy fucking camper?!


One Response to “Hi-tech Ho Dating v 3.0”

  1. Neo_Anderson69 December 23, 2010 at 2:56 am #

    The quote “try the exotic dancer thing and see if it works out.” That was sure to get the standard reaction

    But I don’t agree with the lack of trust with a guy and how hard it is on the guy comes up…
    If that was the case he thought, I would think just the opposite. It should be an issue.! And wouldn’t be or it would never work!!
    “Do you ever intend to quit stripping?”I would hope not, but that couldn’t last forever
    “How long do you plan to do this?” I wish I could do this
    “Do you see yourself getting married, having kids?” Toss up. Depends
    Other Wise Hoping Yours & My New Year A Much Better One. Mele kalikimaka

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