Packing My Ho-Bags Single Style – survey says???

7 Jan

I have a slew of errands I usually run before I leave town.
I feel like I should list them for you, so you have some idea of my routine.

– I usually have to do something involving my car (wash, oil change, etc.)
– Getting my nails done (I’m loyal to my nail lady, her work lasts 2+ weeks)
– Hair cut or color (which I’ve managed to hold off on, as I’m poor right now)
– Wal-Mart run (I like to do this at home before I leave for some reason…buying things like more condoms, body wash, lotion, razors…which I go through like mad.)

Then there’s the list of stuff I do at home.
Used to, I would come home to a mess.
Then I decided I didn’t like coming home to a mess. If I don’t clean my place (particularly my bedroom) to my liking just before I leave, then I don’t remember exactly HOW messy it is, so I kind of stress on the idea of any company coming over, because I never remember exactly HOW much of a disaster I left my place in.

I solve this problem by doing some simple at home routines before I leave, such as:

1. Laundry – I like all my fuckin’ laundry clean, so I will come home having my favorite stylish non-ho clothes to wear.
2. Bedding – I fix my bed, always.
3. Straightening my room in general. I like to straighten my space to a level that I can come home and go “ahhhhhh” and plop on my bed and feel relaxed.

So usually while the laundry is being done, I am PACKING like a madwoman.
I have majorly cut down on my need for packing by having a set of plastic drawers that all my ho-clothes go and STAY in. I lock up the drawers with this strap, I load the plastic drawers in the back of my car, and those drawers fit nicely into the closets of all the brothels I work at.

There’s other stuff you pack like:
1. Gym clothes
2. A mass of jewelry, makeup, hair products
3. At LEAST four days worth of street clothes (usually tshirts, jeans, warm shoes, socks, a favorite jacket. Very simple.)

If I think I’ll be seeing anybody “normal ” (i.e. a social outing with somebody who doesn’t know I’m a ho) this gets more complex.
If I’m trying to lead some double life bullshit between Nevada and California, this is when shit starts to get crazy, because I’ll bring my fucking “date outfits” JUST IN CASE. Its not that I couldn’t “hang” in my casual clothes. Its that so much of the separate identity has to do with separate outfits…this is why I bring those outfits. So if I need to, I can be…ME. Even if its only for 20 minutes when I drive to the thrift store that has all the cool shit.

You MIGHT want some days off for your sanity.

You MIGHT wanna call up that random guy that you met at the grocery store three months ago that your ho buddy tried to hook you up with.

And you MIGHT want to get “crafty” with those artists that you found on Craigslist in the platonic section.

You also might want to do something stupid, like go bowling, or ice skating.

NEVERMIND that almost NONE OF THIS HAPPENS while I’m working at the brothel. I like to pack for it, JUST IN CASE.

So, what ends up happening?

When I’m booked to go to Reno,
I INEVITABLY almost never leave on the exact day I plan.

This is because they let me get there late when I go to Reno.
If I was going to Vegas, arriving on a different day would be more of a problem, because they fine girls who don’t arrive on the day they say they will.

With Reno, my head starts to spin a little…
There have been times when I’m packing and thinking “what if I just moved there?” Since there have been times when I felt like I had more of a life in Reno than I did at home.

Those days are over though, so this time here’s what happened:
I got logistical about the fact that I woke up at noon today,
and there’s no way in HELL I’m going to be able to get up at 6 am, drive 10 hours,
and make it to the doctor’s by 6pm.

(I’ve tried to do this many times and failed, and always feel like a failure when its 9am and I finally pop out of bed after having slept thru my alarm and go OH FUCK, I won’t make it, FUCK MY LIFE.)

Here is what was different about today.
Today I was NOT running around like a mad woman, I was NOT stressed, and I was at EASE over the fact that I decided to leave a day or two later.

Today I realized was the first day that I have packed to go back to work not having a boyfriend!

So you know what I did?
I went hog wild.
Not only did I get my oil changed,
I also organized that whole PILE of miscellany that’s been filling up those teeny compartments in my dash.
I NEVER tackle miscellany.

Think of the word. Miscellany.
You KNOW how hard that shit is to reign in. All those little trinkets that end up in a girly car.

Today I got them under control like a champ.
I fuckin’ vacuumed my car, I wiped down the dash with those car wipes.
Nobody was bugging me, nobody was asking me “When are you coming over?”
Nobody was giving me the complaining voice of “I want to see you before you go!”

It was by far the most surreal “Ho-packing experience” I have ever had since I started working.

The only mildly BF-ish text I got was a text from the guy I am sort of “Seeing” (who doesn’t live locally) and he said my facebook photo that I posted was totally adorable.

At least my reasons for staying a couple days longer aren’t due to laziness:
I’m taking care of some crazy art bullshit with this art agent person who is very reputable, so….priorities, right?

If I manage to pull off two identities at once this year and be even mildly successful at either of them, and not snap at people, and not lose my mind, I will be proud of myself.


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