Lazy Ho to Ho-tivation…the inner struggle stirs within

17 Jan

If you’ve been following closely,
you’ve read my ups,
my downs
my cries for….connection? Friendship?

As the real world is such that I’ll state it plainly: I’m intentionally hiding out from people, and keeping a low profile.
A. I don’t WANT any more friends because I can’t BEAR the physical act of keeping any secrets from one more person
B. The book is coming. It’s going to get attention. When that happens, I will open my big FAT mouth…and honestly,
I don’t want to be found.

I want to be Dr. Suess’ favorite trick.
Neither here nor there or anywhere…
Definitely in a book……but not in a nook or by a brook.

I, Bambi Brothelbuski, will be fucking hard to find.
I will be fucking hard to find because I don’t want you to know its me.
I want you to fucking forget I ever told you I was a whore.
I want to forget which brothels I said I worked at.
I want you to forget my working girl name
and I want all 97 of you to forget I ever told you my dark and dirty secret.

For a brief, brief time…I will take a sabbatical.
I will start over.
I will feel what it is like to be something other than a whore.
I will pursue my art.
Thus, the motivation creeps in.
The fire within stirs.
I expect roughly 3 months later, my own writings will come back to haunt me.
All you creepers will put two and two together and you’ll figure out who the real me is.

The twitter flare ups will re-ignite.
The real whores who I’ve shared my life will know by the details of my writings…that I speak of their brothel.
They will know its me, because I’ve let you fuckers know.

Again however, I will not be here when that happens.
I’m not that stupid. I’m giving myself options.
I’m laying out a rock solid foundation for another life.
A foundation so god-damn solid that my business partners are getting pissed that I’m out there, slaving away, tilling the soil that “we” talked about, when really its “MY” foundation.

If you wanted to completely level your whole entire life, start over from scratch, and come to the day when you leave everyone and everything in the dust…(except for you five people…all five of you)….
would you REALLY want to leave that job to somebody else? No. You would make sure that your old life gets completely obliterated. Totally leveled.
So much so that even if you DID work as a whore once for a living, you might have a small chance of passing all this bullshit off as mere fiction.

Thus…I level my life.

People have asked me if I would ever out MYSELF with the whole book thing.
I tried to utter the words “I am writing a book” and I laughed at myself.
Yes, I laughed.
BOOK.
Such a silly word!

Dr. Suess wrote books.
I bet he thought they were silly too.

Maybe one day I’ll be the biggest WHO in Ho-Ville.

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One Response to “Lazy Ho to Ho-tivation…the inner struggle stirs within”

  1. Neo_Anderson69 January 17, 2011 at 3:55 pm #

    1st off I listened 2 your radio Blog. It’s weird I got a certain impression of you as a word only person in the worlds oldest profession. Cool. Then I heard your voice & it didn’t fit as far as I was expecting. You almost sounded as someone I knew, but figured that was impossible as I have lived a sheltered, secluded life my whole life.These days after I lost ev1 older than me in my life, I live in a alt reality. It’s still me but nothing about my life is the same, Nothing.So I feel like I am in a sci-fi movie, that currently I can’t escape. You could say I am Mr Nobody or I am just 1 out of 7 Billion people in this world & if I wasn’t here, no one would miss me except maybe my son.I now who you appear to be, but really I would like 2 know the real you as you are one of the characters in my sci-fi life.It just sounds as if you might need a longer than usual vacation to distance your self from your reality, regroup your mindset & make a cum back & f the world and show them you are Bambi & your not gonna take it anymore. It would be in the same line as I have heard you say in print” You have to be able to turn it off at a moments notice, & then turn it back on when you want to finish your life movie” You are who you are, and take it from me nobody really cares, even if hey say they do, cause your life is just something for someone to talk about. It’s what people do to keep their minds occupied & make themselves happy. In their own minds. It’s just like I am a legend in my own mind or when I’m here, I’m gone. Hope this ranting helps in a small way or more. It won’t stop me from thinking about you, EVER !!!

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