1st Day Back with Disappearing Acts

5 Feb

It is my first day back at the little ranch up north since late September.

Let it be known that I took a few days to go on an excursion for my artwork (a business trip of sorts) – expecting to sell some pieces….expecting it to be financially profitable.

I made half of what I expected.
Being faced with a car payment that is due like…NOW….I had two choices.

A. Take my last bit of money out of savings to make that car payment, only to be broke and hoping with every ounce of my being that some oddball side job would turn up somewhere.

B. Take the money I have, declare it a financial emergency, make a mad dash back to ho-ville for the gamble that I can turn $200.00 into $1000.00 in about a week’s time.

If I spend what little I have in savings, I won’t even have money to eat.
I have no credit cards.
I live on a purely cash existence.

So I chose B. A place to sleep. Square meals…and a quiet room to myself.

I called the owner declaring my “Financial Emergency!” situation at about 10pm and she texted me back at 10:30 saying I could come up the next day.

I made a mad dash to pack (like never before!) and by 11:45 pm my bags were all packed, the car was loaded, and I was ready to go.
a decent goodbye.

I moved in record time last night and this morning.
The old me would have slept through my alarm,
said “oh well” and I would have goofed off all weekend and then left on Monday.

The old me would have been packing until two AM, thinking of lots of extra bullshit I don’t need.

I’ve never packed so fast before.
It might have a little bit to do with a new man in my life.
He’s not really mine…it isn’t official
and for our own protection
it was decided that things would be kept on the DL. (The last thing I want is anyone cornering him about my ho-status.)

Maybe it has to do with him, maybe it doesn’t…but I haven’t had anything resembling a “fire” lit under my ass like this in a long time.

I actually give a shit.
I have a desire to stick to my more grown up commitments.

In part it broke my heart…having to leave.
Part of me wanted to stay….to sit around and do nothing and make up for being away for the last week.

But something in me said I had to go, had to take care of myself…no joking around this time, no slacking off like I usually do.

If caring for another person…or maybe even being a little bit inspired by them…if that’s what makes you finally dust yourself off and do what you need to do….I am okay with that.

I don’t know if he’s okay with that.

There’s a pleasant air here – I got greeted by a group hug from Katrina, Dinna, Asia…all my favorite girls.
Its still home.
Katrina is even moving to the city where I live now. She’s moving in a few months. It’ll help…because I think both of us want to get out of this business together.

If money is too slow going, this might be one of the last times I’m here.
I packed my car really light, so I have room to take stuff home with me this time.
I’ll find a better way.


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