Conversations with the Ex man.

10 Feb

My ex texted me today.
You know, the one that bought me a ring because he thought I was the love of his life…

I thought for a brief glimpse in time that I might have had a good thing going.
He was rock solid. Available. Unusually consistent. Incredibly predictable…almost….too predictable.

The only thing that wasn’t predictable was my discovery that he had, in fact, bought me an engagement ring.

This was right about the time that I met Mr. Wrong. A wild display of Alpha Male behavior kicked in with Mr. Wrong – he did everything in his power to win me over. Truth was…my ex was a Beta male…and I, being an Alpha female….did what any young 20something would do when encountered by copious amounts of whiskey after late nights at the banquets: I let myself get “woo’d.”

My ovaries took off without me, and I “fell” for Mr. Wrong. If it were the mating game and not the dating game…Mr. Wrong would have succeeded in winning life’s most coveted prize: The best female his social circle had to offer.

My Beta Ex, however…couldn’t be bothered with such masculine displaces of chasing the female, courting her…fighting for her love…none of those crucial things ever happened with my ex. Not in the beginning of the relationship, not ever.

So as I was saying, he texted me.
Wanting to know how my travels were.
I told him I was back at work.

He said, “I thought you quit that shit.”

I asked if he was still with that girl.
He said he was, and that things were going well.

“Why are you texting me then?” I asked.

He said, “To say hi. You said you wanted to stay in touch and be friends.”
(NOTE TO SELF: I forgot I said this. BAD IDEA.)

Anyway.
I told him about the new person in my life, and that it wasn’t exactly easy right now. He was nothing short of cruel…..

Giving me the “What do you expect, you’re in a fucked up situation.”
I told him it wasn’t fucked due to the economy. I’m paying my bills and getting things done.

His response:
“Yeah it is. You’re at the bottom of the totem pole no matter what you think or tell yourself. Don’t blame the economy, you can do better.”

I told him what a low blow that was.
He said “I’m not bitter I’m just trying to encourage you.”

WOW. If that’s any indication of his future encouragement skills as a parent, I pity his future children.

I told him, that its helping me rebuild my life, stick with my business plan…the money from this job keeps my dreams in check and puts my mind eat ease.

He said, “well I saw you at it and I don’t think it was worth a damn and it sucks out your soul and makes you insane. If I’m wrong then I’m wrong. That’s just what I saw. ”

Yeah, Mr. Ex…
He had no….fire in his gut….the essence of what most of us need if we’re going to make a successful existence for ourselves.

I needed a fighter…someone with spunk.
The person who could be the spark to ignite a raging firestorm to light up my life.
All I ever got from him was a candle with a too-short wick.

In contrast…while I am not certain of the future of this new guy…I am very certain of key things:

This new man has fire.
And not only that, he’s encouraging me to light my own, and keep them burning.

In the end…sparks in the bedroom only take you so far….I think living in the dark with Mr. Ex drove me crazy, not this job.

In reference to my ex’s comment about being at the bottom of the totem pole…
I like to think of it this way:
Sharks swim at the bottom of the sea….
Some sharks even sleep on the bottom of the ocean.
They can also swim to the top when they have to and make you their dinner.

And like a shark, if you want dinner…you have to wait for the right moment, or else it’ll pass you by.

If you know the right moment to strike…that dinner is yours when you need it.

I’m just a shark…and my moment to strike?

It’s coming.
When the water is burning.
Thats when.

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