Show me the closest door….(aka MORE IRONY)

14 Mar

Dear GOD.

I already saw it coming that I was on the ousts with the gentleman.

Enough that I wanted to bolster my time with some hanging out with other men. I knew I needed perspective. I knew I needed to see what was out there. And since I’m going to be working part time, socially it would do me well to fill my schedule right?

Once Gentleman McDouchery gave me the “I’m not that into you” speech…I had to boost my self esteem somehow.

So I set up dates respetively, for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, all with three different guys.

My goal is not to have sex, or really get into a relationship with any of them…because…all I want is a little perspective. That’s it.

And fine, maybe arm candy.

I’m like the female equivalent of a womanizer sometimes.

So…three days in a row its all booked up right, I”m all set til mid-week.

I’ve spent the last couple of days lamenting over the whole…getting into the friend zone thing.

Then a little red thing on facebook pops up telling me that I have a new friend.

Oh yes, the six month old friend request that I made for my ex boyfriend? He finally accepted it.

I text him thanking him ironically for finally accepting, then a facebook IM pops up two minutes later about how I’m making a “foe paws” (yes he can’t spell faux pas…and asks me for the correct spelling.

Keep in mind I still have furniture at his house because I’ve been putting it off because it’s easy to put off because I’ve been working in a fucking brothel, I cheated with wreckless abandon, he got a new girlfriend…and oh yeah, I’ve had nowhere to put the furniture because ironically, my house is full, my garage is full, and there is nowhere to put that shit.

He’s texted me at least three times in the last week asking if he could bring this furniture over finally and I’ve avoided it…avoided it…because imagine that, five days later there is still no room.

We get in a facebook conversation about things like my car payment. He tells me I could refinance for a lower payment. Or how he wants to go back to school and is  having a quarter life crisis.

I tell him how I’m bummed for getting recently ditched.

He tells me that he and the girl broke up and its mutual.

He brings up furniture again and I say I have dates 3 nites this  week and it would have to be after that.

Then close to two AM it happens, the lone text:

“I still miss you.”

Is that the beer talking or is that you?” I ask.

“It’s me.”

DEAR GOD, FUCK MY LIFE. He wanted to marry me, I was with him just for the sex, and he’s back.

What the fuck is this, an avalanche?

What did I do to deserve his triumphant return?

Why the fuck would he want my company?

I broke his heart, trampled on it a jillion times,

and said I didn’t want his fucking wedding ring.

He says he just want to hang out as friends, because we were “friends before.”


We knew each other in the arts scene for two years before, and when I went and made my first trip to work in the brothel, I knew he would be an easy lay, so what did I do, I fucked him! I made him my boyfriend, because life is better with boyfriends! And when I found out he wanted to marry me, I ran like hell! I stayed out of town for two months straight! I fucked Mr. Wrong1 I wanted nothing to do with his love!

He says he is “not looking for anything sexual” and just wants to “hang out.” FUCK!


He turns me into a dinner making, bathroom cleaning, god damnfucking homemaker and when the homemaker gene kicks in and my art takes a back seat, I become a nervous wreck!

In fact I think i kept that job at the brothel for so long  just to get away from him. And now he’s chasing me, AFTER I ALREADY CHANGED MY PHONE NUMBER. FUCK MY LIFE.

He is lazy but god dammit he loves me.

How many more times am I going to have to change my phone number,before I turn… 40, or 30 even?

I’m annoyed.

Maybe it’s time for a google phone. Then I can block his number.

I’m the biggest asshole on the planet.


One Response to “Show me the closest door….(aka MORE IRONY)”

  1. Neo_Anderson69 March 19, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

    Your ex accepted your FaceBook request only cause he wanted something if u read between the lines. It’s pretty much like that with lots of people.He wanted u to store furniture? Likely excuse for contacting you with. As long as you & or he have something of each other, you’ll never b able to ditch him completely.As for you not having room for furniture. I had that problem, but I solved it by renting storage unit, a big 10 X 20 for only 80 a month & mine & my late wifes stuff has been there for over 4 years now, but makes it possible to not being tied down 2 any one spot. I really don’t see myself in a relationship like I had because it’s a young peoples world these days.If He says he is “not looking for anything sexual” and just wants to “hang out, it’s really the other way around. If you had a Psychology degree you can read anyone in under 10 minutes or at least I can. My background is I lived in San Francisco in the early 70’s when make Love not war was beginning 2 fade out. Thats pretty much what the world has lost site with. Just keep in mind, you already know how he is & why u r not with him anymore. Enough said on that subject

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