My Art is easy to read, and will tell you everything.

4 May

There’s a lot in my life I could tell you about.
Working in the retirement home. How cool it is.
How they are promoting me and I’ll be left with a big enough paycheck to get by soon.
Enough to not have to worry.

Since its the type of thing where I can pursue my art at the same time, it’s likely one of the best jobs I have ever ever had.

There have been many, many ups and downs to this real world transition.
I cry sometimes about missing Nevada.
Then I stop to remind myself that just because I am crying over missing something, that doesn’t make it true.

There is someone I miss though, and I do think that much is true,
even if it was all spun on a mangled web of life.

I have too much pride to say all that I think.
Or what I feel
or what I want.
I am to stubborn to be “that girl” – asking the questions.
Asking when I would get a second chance.
Asking when he would change his mind.

I retreated into my art.
Reinvention of sorts.
The goal being to make something wonderful as often as I can.

There are nearly 12 pieces.
The first ten were not so planned.
The last two more pre-meditated.

Without realizing…everything is spelled out loud and clear in those 12 pieces.
How I feel.
Everything I think.
About him.
About situations.
About a Love That Never Was.
About how dark its really been, and everything I really, truly need.

In terms of darkness, it’s been a lot darker than a lot of people would think.
Like…I have been to a doctor…
did one sort of therapy session.
I only told the therapist that I was a stripper.
Anything more severe would have led to a full on “wow you need professional help.”
Most days are good. The days that are not good, I really feel like I’m only hanging on by a thread or two. Those threads consist of one or two really solid friends.

So….being too broke for therapy…art is the way I can get through and say all the things I want to say, without ruining my pride.

I guess a person would have to take the time to decipher it all in the pictures.
But…I’m BAMBI BROTHELBUSKI.

I’m not going to walk away defeated.
I already admitted defeat.
If somebody wants a map, they have my art.
Its why I put it in public.
Its why I put it on display.
Its easier to read than I am.
Always will be.

It’s bullshit that so many pieces should be inspired by one fucking person…but hey, isn’t that what a good Muse is supposed to make artists do…create?

Yeah.

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