If you wanted to know where I ran off to…

6 May

I think my last day of work was February 10th.
Which would make close to 3 months that I’ve been gone from brothel land.

Katrina also quit.
We’re facebook friends.

I get to see her making progress to her life,
letting go of pieces of her old world.
A haircut was one of them.
She had long locks that she hadn’t cut since she started working in the brothel
and finally cut them off to chin length.
To those of us who knew, her hair was part of the job, and losing it is a symbol of starting over.

There are a few times where I have cried about my own foolishness of taking a job that pays me barely anything and I think about heading back to Nevada.

I bring this up to him.
The same guy, that I’ve talked to every day since Christmas.
He has this “holding place” girlfriend for reasons I can’t explain.

And me being the asshole that I am, I reveal my doubts to said guy since I’ll take my stresses out on him, on occasion, and then apologize for it later.

When I do, I hold it over his head like some ticking time bomb about how I’m torn about whether or not I should “go back.”

Then he tells me that I shouldn’t have to go back.
That it will be a good way to turn a quick dollar…
and perhaps focus on my art more.

I’m thinking as I read this, “WTF, I’ve been doing more art since I’ve been home than I have in the last two years.”

That’s right.
I’ve been incredibly focused.
I’ve surprised even myself.
I have forced myself to do things even when I don’t feel like it and the result is simple: I’ve made a few pieces worthy of selling, that I have no attachment to.
Which is good, because when you’re an artist, you know you can’t get attached if you want to actually sell any of your originals.

So these are upsides.
I have been focused.

I have found a new mentor who wants to manage me.
He’s very positive and lives with his ailing mother.
He’s not an official manager by any means, but he is very grounded in his work…
not the chaos of the pseudo-managers of yore.

I’ve also been trying to find new ways of looking at the world.
I’m trying REALLY HARD not to fall back into old habits and negative people.

I’ve been exploring.
I had a theory that perhaps I attract “messy people” with problems because I’m good at helping people. I like the problem solving, but seeing other people’s pain really hurts my spirit sometimes.

Certain situations are incredibly hard to let go of .
This led me to a Psychic web page since nothing else has worked.

I’ll set this up by saying…I’m built on logic, and reason.
Teary-eyed moments aside, you will find me a 95% logical gal.

Sometimes I think the SOLE REASON that something is on my mind, is ONLY because it’s on the other person’s mind….and I’m just picking up on their brainwaves.

I say this with good reason:
I’ve always been the one to think of someone and then they call or text seconds later.

Or I’ll mention someone in conversation while out with a friend, and we’ll run into them later in the evening.

I’ve always been good about calling social breakdowns, breakups, marriages…6 months ahead of time, or even as far as five years ahead of time…just, little predictions, about little things.

I’ll send my friends letters if I have a vivid dream about them.
I warned my dad once to be careful on the road because I dreamed of a car accident.

Once my friend Ashley let me ramble about her on Skype, about things I thought she should do. She said the observations were so accurate she was about to cry.

On this Psychic website, they talk about “Spirit Guides” (WTF)
and they talk about the universe.

I dunno about these so-called “Spirit Guides.”

They say that there are 3-4 individual guides looking out for you at any given moment, to help you find what you want. They will beat you over the head when good opportunities arise, and want nothing but the best for you.

Sounds like a great concept, having a team of experts looking out for you, doesn’t it?

Nevermind that.
Lets talk about what they said about the universe.

They said that you can’t ask if its God’s will or whatever.
you can’t ask if it’s what the “Universe” wants from you.
YOU HAVE TO TELL THE UNIVERSE WHAT YOU WANT.

Once you TELL the universe what YOU want,
then (and only then!) will the Universe start moving and aligning itself to CREATE certain opportunities for you.

You don’t ask.
You tell…and ye doors shall open.

I’ve been testing it with the whole job theory.
That’s how I’ve been having all this amazing luck finding employment.
It’s eerie, almost.
When the retirement home shut my area down for some renovations and said I would be taking a few days off, I went, “oh shit, I need work like, NOW.”

I just yelled it out to the stars
and 20 minutes later I find this random email in my email box from a promotional company.

Two hours later, I have a bunch of four hour shifts of work to tie me over for the following week.

Granted I have to wake up early for set-up. And I have late nights when we have to strike, but I’m filling the holes with money.

In addition to needing more money, I found out today that I need something else only a real job can give me: Health insurance.

Yea. I went to the dentist today.
Wisdom teeth. Impacted.
Very very expensive to remove.
Personally I do not have the funds.

The doctor brought up the fact that insurance should cover it if I had it, or if I got a job that provided it (hint, hint!)….that was the moment that a little lightbulb went off.

I was standing around at my job during social time, being bored…and I texted my bodyguard that I need a more challenging job. He says our friends company is hiring.

I get the lowdown from said friend.
Not only is the company laid back, and not only are they hiring at the end of the month, he hit me with THIS little beauty:

Benefits kick in on the first day.

AMEN, Hallelujah, problems solved.

I figure the Art world is aligning itself well.
Employment/finances are close to getting aligned.
After that, love has to come next.

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