Lets Look at Logistics….

I got a letter from a concerned reader about my mood issues, and he said stuff about learning to enjoy being alone, like I hadn’t done that already.

Lets not forget I’m going back from Brothel Life, back to Normal Life. I have lots of GOOD days, but I also have the occasional shitty day. If I only preached about sunshine, it wouldn’t be very honest, because it’s those shitty days that bite you in the ass.

It’s my job, as Bambi Brothelbuski, to give you that window into my world.
If I didn’t give you that window, (with a view of the off stage shit moments), I feel like I would be denying you somehow.

I’ll quote a bit from the letter:

“The root of your emotional dilemma is so unnecessary and tragically misguided. I don’t know where to begin dissecting but I will say this:

Get used to being alone. Accept it. Learn to cherish it. Because when you do, you will begin to love and accept and respect and admire yourself as you rightfully should.”

Sigh.
Get USED TO BEING ALONE.
First, let me dissect exactly what’s going on with my world.
The lonely factor is not the central issue.

The central issue is that I’ve been running from the real world for nearly three years,
and now I’m facing it in all its glory – no tricks, no shortcuts, no easy way out, no fast cash.

The
adjustment
isn’t
easy.

In addition to that – lets look at other factors:

1. My social life: I’d like to give my social life a complete overhaul.
Many of my friends from pre-brothel days have dissolved and we no longer talk.
I am either re-uniting with the few friends from my past who don’t know my secret,
or I find myself leaning towards making new friendships that are COMPLETELY unrelated to any of my new friends, because, GUESS WHAT!?

I want to start over.

2. Financial Stresses: You have them, I have them, lots of people have them. I’m on fucking food stamps right now. That’s right, I’m that broke. So, financial stress is just one more stick in the fire. A big log, more like it.

3. I’ve already BEEN a loner, and LIKED IT!: I’ve been a giant, huge, major, serious loner since I was a little kid. I can remember wandering off by myself in kindergarten to go hang out behind a big log (I detect at theme here…). I didn’t want to play house. I liked solo time. I have traveled the whole world by myself. I go to bars by myself. I do my artshows by myself. I like being my by myself so much, when I HAVE had boyfriends, I have actually requested that they “don’t go” to my art shows, so I can be free to roam and schmooze and socialize as I see fit.

I like being by myself because I always tend to meet people wherever I go.

The key difference is that I’m not needy in my desire to share my life experience with someone else.

It’s a decision I’ve made: I want to share my life with someone. Simple. Because I think whoever is willing, would have a lot of fun with me, because I’m fucking awesome.

So don’t go thinking that its because I’m “incomplete” without a man.
No, I want to share because I am complete and I feel I have love to give.
This world is made more meaningful by love…I don’t LIKE how empty it is without it,
but I can deal.

Trust me.
This is Bambi you’re dealing with.