Nooooooooooooo!

1 Jul

I’m at a new house.
Me being so smart,
I went to the doctor on the outside yesterday and had them fax my results to the new ranch, thinking I could clear to work at this new house today.

But they tell me that in this new house, there is a new set of rules which means any time you leave the house you are not clear to work when you come back, so you have to clear under their rules and their tests.

They notified me I’d have to pay for bloodwork, AGAIN…and the clencher (ha ha!): Anal swabbing.

My face contorted when they told me this.
WHAT? Up my bum?
Yes.

WHY?
So. Not. Fair.

I thought anal sex was illegal anyway.
When I go to the in-house nurse, she notifies me that because there’s now a male prostitute in southern Vegas, and he does anal…the state board had to re-define what sexual activity included and because of this. If the house does not allow anal sex, nobody has to do the anal swabbing, but because this ranch is upper crusty and “state of the art” – they want to do the butt swabbing too.

Being state of the art in legal whorehouses means q-tips up your asshole?
WTF.

I was thinking I’d have to stand. Or flip over or something. But no. I just have to push my ass further forward in the gynecoloical saddle. She showed me the teeeeeny weeny smaller than a Q-tip size thing that would go up me arsehole:

She instructs me:
“There’s no lubrication, and it only goes in about an inch and a half. It’s very quick, you’ll feel a small pinch, but if you push out like you’re taking a bowel movement when I push the swab in, it will hurt less.”

Mental notes taken.
Heave ho!
Push!
Seriously it took like five seconds an it was not all that bad.

I hope you enjoyed my story of Anal Swabbing.
I am here at this nice ranch and have a day off (technically) before I have to work.

More to follow soon.
XOXO
Brothel Babe

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One Response to “Nooooooooooooo!”

  1. eh not a moose July 1, 2011 at 5:27 am #

    Say hi to Cowgirl V. for me. She’s a really nice gal, and decent spokesperson for the new M ranch.

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