Dickwad of the Week: Heads or Tails, Motherf%cker

9 Jul

I’m towards the end of my shift.
My patience is wearing thin because I’ve been working for two weeks straight with no days off.

So here I am, trying to stay awake, and this guy walks in.

He had been here earlier with his two other friends. I would have sworn his dark haired friend would have gone for me, but he went for the tan girl who has this 80s vibe about her.

The original guy (I’ll call him Colin) had been hanging around this french girl the whole night. She’s got a great body and is usually quite the salesman so I figured she would have sealed the deal with Colin, but no deal went down.

A few hours later he comes back and there’s no one else in the bar except for me.
He says he wants to party with 80s girl, but he can’t bring himself to because his friend just fucked her.
He said he would have gone for asian girl, but she was too expensive.

We shoot the shit about the bay area. He lived there for a while and he wants to know specifically where I live. We talk about renovations in the city and how the Tenderloin is not so bad.

He tells me he has two houses as if to boast how rich he is.
He does competitive sports of some kind.
He asks all kinds of hypotheticals:

IF we were in a dive bar in the city, would he be the type of guy I’d fuck in real life?
IF he was my BF, would we do it without a condom?
IF it was an outside thing, what would I REALLY enjoy?

He told me that he liked that I wasn’t trying to sell him anything.
Like I had “given up.”
I say it’s just towards the end of my shift and its not that big of a deal (I’d already made some money) and that appearances sell themselves. If he didn’t know what he wanted beforehand, I probably wasn’t his girl, because I cater to people who know what they want.

BUT…he said he didn’t have a lot of money to spend and he didnt want to offend me.
I said, “if you don’t go back and talk with me, you’ll never know. ”

I FINALLY get him back to talking prices.
His price is low.
He wants more time than I am willing to give for so few Benjamins.
He says, “I just talked for an hour with you in the bar.”
I say yes, but when sex is involved I have to do what’s fair for me.
I say 15 mins.
He wants 25.
I say 20.
He says 25 and I shower with him.

It becomes obvious he’s more into the mind fuck so I put my hand on his knee and say,
“The best thing you can do is come in here knowing what you want to spend. When I tell you a price, its what I think is a fair rate for me, in accordance to what I know I am worth. So your best bet is to treat the price I give you with respect, or else I would be disrespecting myself. You can either stop playing mind games, pay me the price we agreed upon and have a good time, or walk out the door.”

What does this fucker do?
He pulls a coin out of his wallet and says heads or tails calls whether he sleeps with me.
The first coin afterits flipped flies under the couch.

He pulls out another!
I still say heads.
And thankfully for this asshole, it was tales, which meant I could walk his ass back into the parlor.


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