Weed Wine and Worship: Just what I always wanted.

25 Oct

 

A series of misadventures resulted in me having to take a much needed couple days off….I’ll tell you about that later. For now, I’ll just tell you about my last 48 hours.

WEED!

First, there was this guy who’s always quiet, comes in sometimes….doesn’t always party….but sometimes he does with me.

I was kickin’ it in my room and the voice on the intercom told me I had a request in the bar.

It was this guy I hadn’t seen in like…a year.

We had a gloriously short party, and he has a gloriously petite penis (pain free, yes!)…and instead of leaving a cash tip, what did he leave me?

3 weed cookies.

Special snickerdoodles.

The smell was so strong I was fearful for my life just by taking a whiff.

I said, “I’m a lightweight. How much should I have?” 

He said, “half. And they won’t put you to sleep, they’ll leave you amped.” 

I replied: “Last time I ate any weed food I hallucinated for days and saw jesus n’ stuff. Are you sure I should have half?” 

He said, “OH. Maybe a quarter, then.” 

Now. NORMALLY I’m in a “drug-free house” and NORMALLY I don’t do that shit…except, these weed cookies seemed so….SO LOVINGLY CRAFTED, that I absolutely could not bear to throw them away.

The smell however, lingered on my hands even when I touched the plastic bag.

I have them tucked in a tin, and the tin is in a box, and the box is in my closet, which is under lock and key.

Next on the list we have…….

WINE!

I switched my night shift to day shift (at the request of the manager)…however I’ve been staying up late because it seems I’m hard-wired to prefer the night time.

So at five AM this couple comes in to request a couple’s lineup.

Normally I would not have done it, because I “don’t do couples”

(read: I had never done a guy/girl threesome in my life because 95% of the time when couples come into a brothel, the woman so obviously does not want to be there, that my morals come into question and I just can’t bring myself to get money out of somebody who doesn’t even want to be there.)

THIS COUPLE was different though.

They came from Napa!

The woman was petite and sweet!

I asked them what they were looking for, and they had no idea!

She was sweet and cute and giggled and when I asked for specifics, she put her hand over her mouth as she smiled and said “what about pleasuring you, or you pleasuring me? Teehee!” 

I asked “is this your first time having a threesome?” 

She shyly replies, “yesssssss” 

and I say, “perfect, it will be mine too!”

She’s obviously nervous.

Her BF is obviously standing there like he’s here because SHE wants to be, not  the other way around. It was like the brothel gods themselves hath aligned solely for The Babe.

When we get into a suite with a hot tub, she says she doesn’t want to get into the hot tub.

Reason being: She’s wearing a wig and doesn’t want to get it wet.

So I instruct them that we should all strip together.

The cute lady hits her first obstacle when she realizes the neck of her shirt is too small to take off without also taking her wig off.

I tell her she can go to the bathroom to properly undress,  take her wig off, and put it back on. She lets me guide her there and does her thing.

Back in the room, they both start to get naked, and I realize how wonderfully pre-meditated it is:

He’s wearing some kinda festive g-string that turns his dick into Big Bird,

and she’s got this whole red sparkly crotchless jodpur thing going on.

Stifled and clueless, we start with Simon Says.

Eventually things got natural. Once she’s had her box of Cheerios for breakfast, she pulls herself away from the pleasure and says, “Wait!!! I have a toy! Can I use the toy on you?” 

And I say “Yes! I have a condom you can put it in!” 

Long story short, our 30 minute adventure ended in happy hugs and smiles for all.

Before they leave however, she peers her head back in and says “Wait Bambi, we have a present for you. Two bottles of wine from Napa!” 

I run excitedly to see what kind of wine it is.

Behringer. White Zin.

AWWW. They weren’t from Napa! They were role playing!

Cutest.

Thing.

Ever.

Last on my list!

WORSHIP!

I’m mining my own business, reading my book in the  parlor, and this guy with a silly accent keeps glancing over.

I frankly ask “are you here to have sex?” 

He says yes, but I think he’s full of shit.

He invites me to join him at the bar. This other girl, who presumably hates my guts, is sitting on the other side of me.

He pressures me to buy a drink. I say I don’t drink. The bartender confirms I don’t drink. I’m so the angel.

The devil bitch to my left, however, pushes him to buy her a shot of Petron, which we all know is brothel speak for saying: “I’m going to start by robbing you in the bar and let every ho in this bar know that I have you by the balls because you are buying me as much Petron as I want.” 

She’s blab blab blabbing like a bitchy devil woman. I’m staying super quiet and innocent and mysterious, like a good little angel.

It was like an unsaid staredown. A competition of who was going to get the guy.

She admits defeat when she asks for money to go  buy a pack of cigarettes.  I seize my window of opportunity and ask oh-so-frankly for the third time, “So are you really here to have sex?” and then whisk him away to negotiate.

He happily hands me his money.

Once we start having fun in my room,

He starts a long monologue of worship.

Saying that I have “Class A Pussy” and that I have the most beautiful pussy in the world that he’s ever seen. That I’m a goddess, that I’m like the women in playboy. That I am “all class. ”

ALL I CAN DO IS LAUGH.

For every compliment, I’m just laughing, and laughing more.

I’m thinking to myself “this guy is hilarious, he doesn’t quit!”

As luck would have it, he re-books.

I proudly prance through the bar and don’t even give that devil-woman any eye contact. Looks like I won this competition, biatch!

I prance back to my room, and more worship continues.

He tells me if he won money gambling, he’d give it all to me.

That he’d pay any price, just to lick my pussy.

I say, “no no no, you have to play by the rules. “

“Don’t you understand I LOVE YOU? I hope one day you find a man who LOVES YOU as much as I love you, and he gives you all the money you want and takes you away from this place.” 

The beautiful thing about it in the end was he gave a monologue about how much he loved his wife, and his three beautiful children, and how he would never ever destroy that for another woman. He will stay with his wife, no matter what, but he thinks I’m amazing.

Fuck yeah. Good day.

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