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Happenings on the outside….

19 Feb

As you may know, or may not know…my recent dealings with “the new guy” (I’ll just call him that) made me seriously reconsider the ramifications of this job.

He would qualify as the 2nd guy I was really interested that (I feel) it didn’t work out with because of my job.

News Update: He might be willing to give me a 2nd chance…and consider it part of my past…IF I change my job/situation sooner rather than later. I haven’t asked for a second chance on the basis of some part of my future that hasn’t happened yet. Only time will tell if I can change future events. Its in my hands now…I don’t want the decision to be in his.

You’re thinking, “change your job for a man, are you nuts?”   But…this kind of job is not that simple. This job isn’t a “do I stay or do I go?” type of black/white, yes/no situation. You have to tally the pros and cons in your head, realistically put time into what OTHER options may be available to you out there….figure out of the benefits outweigh the downfalls. Currently…there is a longer list of reasons to leave this industry than there are to stay. These are not some made up reasons – they are things that I have figured out and stacked up over time, and by documenting the financial side as well. So don’t go thinking this is some brash decision. It’s been on my mind for a while.

You couple actual earnings vs. the money you have to spend to work in a brothel.
Then you mix in things like…being away from home.
It’s not like I just LIVE in Nevada and I can go sleep at my house whenever I want.
When I work in Nevada, I live IN the brothel.

There’s sacrifices you make such as:
Food – the food is not the most amazing, unless you want to go buy it.

Health – with cigarette smoke filtering throughout the building and an old ventilation system…even if you SMOKE cigarettes, you’d be surprised how icky you feel when you have to breathe dirty air 24/7

Compromised quality of sleep – the light is always peering in. There’s always hip hop blasting down the hall. Girls walking to their room. EVERY TIME a client goes in and out of the door, you hear a buzzer. You’re lucky to get a few hours of serious sleep from 5am to 10am….after that, your sleep gets disrupted. You can tell which girls live in the brothel for 3 weeks or more….by the way their eyes seem bloodshot from the smoke in the air, and how dark their under eye circles are due to lack of sleep.

When I’m gone, I’m putting my dreams on hold. – I think I started this job a bit…overly optimistic…thinking people would be willing to deal with my schedule of being here and gone. Its virtually impossible to get in a rhythm of good business conduct when I’m gone. I leave….people assume I’m flaky, no matter what I tell them.

Depression kicks in after 9 days, every time (aka that old 10 day fall-out) – Yes, gone is the idealized notion that I could stay for 2 weeks or 3 weeks or a month at a time and let the money stack up. Whether its the dirty air or the shitty quality of sleep…it seems to be standard for me that “The Glitch” (aka depression) will kick in after 9 days of consecutive work. I don’t think any job should make you think about your premature demise. I’d never off myself…but its obvious that my brain apparently turns to these kinds of dark thoughts when it gets past a certain level of fatigue combined with lack of business. To willingly put oneself through such torture when I’m capable of more….seems unreasonable.

No rhythm and no routine means no progress...and that means it hurts me more than anyone else.

Because of my own desire to stay anonymous, I can’t move “up” in the hooker world to houses that will bring more money. I can’t picture myself going somewhere that the money would be better, and then risk the permanent stamp of “WHORE!” and “ADULT ENTERTAINER!” It’s why I have avoided more public houses. Most of the girls at my house are girls who have been FIRED by those more famous houses. I’m still not ready to put my real life up on the shelf and get the permanent stamp of “Sex worker” – trust me – whether you are  a former sex worker or always a sex worker…its a reputation that follows you all your life…and  maybe I don’t want that.

Regardless of the downfalls of the job…
I still view it as something I had to do….as part of my own learning experience.

It’s like I finally know how to handle myself in ways that other girls don’t.

Imagine if you could go to a school where you’d get taught…how to never let anybody play games with your heart again.

I feel like working in a brothel has done that for me.
Companionship drives us more than sex….but sex is stuffed down our throats in American culture.

I think we as a culture and as a people in America – the “oversexed nature” of society is actually making us feel super stressed. Women feeling like they can’t keep up with 18 year olds. Men feeling like they constantly have to bone whatever hot piece of ass they see in the dive bar.

In the sense that if you’re fucking somebody daily, and you’re only fucking them…that must make the other person your boyfriend or girlfriend. Really there’s so much more to it than that. I feel bad for people who only penetrate the “sex layer” of a relationship. If sex is all that’s happening, you’ll NEVER BE SATISFIED.

(If you’re a happy healthy person who is gonna get older one day, I don’t see happiness from a sex-centered relationship happening and having that happiness be lasting.)

I think some people go to their 40s and even their 50s….still obsessed with the prospect of the next person they fuck. Where they will go to get their fix.

Obviously there are some people in life who are destined to be obsessed with fucking, like some deformed alpha male gene planted itself in their brains and took over like a weed, so the need to FUCK all the time will dominate. I think a need for constant conquests and fucking can be a sort of glitch in the brain…and an addiction….as it certainly gets you high, much like gambling and drinking….works the same dopamine and Norepinephrine receptors in the brain….For those addicts….its not entirely their fault.

America hasn’t helped though, that’s for sure.

Sorry for my banter. I sleep now.

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How to Have a Relationship with a Working Girl – aka Chapter 7

24 Dec

In my adventures of heading up to LA over the holiday season, I decided to check out Craigslist Rideshare to see if anybody needed a ride from San Diego.

I found a fellow who was in his 30s and he said he needed a ride up because he had just been informed that his friend, who has cancer, has gone from bad to worse so all the friends and family are being called out to say their goodbyes, making their visits in the hospital.

It was sort of Kismet as we say that he needed to be where I did, and he got a ride to my house and everything – two hours after I made the call, away we went!

Chatting on the way up you get to know each other.
I wasn’t leary of taking this guy up because he has a facebook page wth photos and we have some mutual (although distant) friends.

In getting to talking I tell him (I try to tell somebody something new every time to see what works) that I am a writer, and I do writing for the adult industry.

Turns out that he had also worked in the adult industry as a producer of sorts, so I had no problem coming out and admitting “ok here’s what I really do for a living in addition to writing.”

His main questions were how you get a relationship to work.
I told him I was writing a book on this whole thing and he said,
“You should have a chapter about how to have a relationship with girls like you. You should call it Chapter 7.”

Maybe he wanted me to call it chapter 7 because he knew he was getting lucky later.
Yes. I had sex with him. It was awesome.
Now onto the Q & A.

Some of his questions, with my answers:

Q: Do guys you try to date get jealous?
A: No more jealous than any other girl-dealing-with-other-guys type of situation. I can tell you why he shouldnt get that jealous though: To us, we treat it like any other job. 

Q. But – you’re fucking other guys and that’s gotta be nerve wracking.
A. What guys don’t understand is that girls have this switch in our brains we can turn off. Its the same switch in your brain that you turn off when you do really boring work at any job. We use it when we fuck our clients, nearly every time.

Q. So how does a guy learn to deal with it?
A. My ex and I fought ALL the time when I first started this business and you learn that you have certain patterns. For future reference I’d probably work around them.

Q. What kind of patterns?
A. Well if you are spending a lot of time with somebody when you are home, when you leave you get separation anxiety usually on day 3 or so. Then on days 5 thru 6 things are good. Around day 7 you get some burnout and some drama at work happens. And by day 10 you’re really burnt out, and you’re taking it out on the guy when he doesn’t deserve it.

Q. Is there any way to avoid that?
A. Skype helps – seeing somebodys face helps a lot. I asked some other girls and they set up rules for themselves in their relationships. I.e. some couples don’t talk about what they do at work at all. I know another girl who calls her husband every time she has sex with a client, lets him know she’s ok, let him know how it was, and this makes him feel better.

Q. What about monogamy – you said you didn’t really believe in that any more. A. My views have changed a lot about monogamy, I think some people can be truly monogamous but real monogamy is an idea that doesn’t exist in todays world, to me. People are friends with guys and girls and have levels to their friendships that I don’t think are healthy for monogamous relationships. They say “I don’t like relationships” but are surrounded by what I call “intimate friendships” to fill that void. I don’t approve of that style of self-deceit that I see a LOT of people my age get into – they “don’t want relationships” yet have VERY personal friendships.

The person you tell your secrets to and share your heart with – that should be reserved for a significant other. If you don’t like SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS, that’s fine, and I’m all for having opposite sex friends (or same sex, depending on your preference) to share your hopes and fears with, but at some point you have to understand that sharing with all of those “friends” will actually get in the way of finding people who can give you the kind of love you deserve.

Friendship Boundaries First and Foremost
Both inside and outside of brothel life, even before I started working in a brothel, it was THOSE kinds of “intimate friendships” that typically were the main problem with my significant others. That’s why you have to have rules in place for faithfulness. I.e. I’m fine with a significant other having a couple close, longtime female friends…but save the deep stuff for me! He can have his close friends, but I’m his #1. Maybe not when we first start dating, but hopefully as things get more serious.

No Manipulative Friends – Know who to trust your secrets to.
My significant other is free to hang out with trusted friends in my absence, but I’d like to get to know them well enough to figure out whether they are trustworthy, or if they are manipulative. Manipulative friends will destroy ANY relationship, but they tend to be the hardest on us working girls because there’s such a stigma attached to our profession.

What other rules do you set up, socially?
You have to set up rules as far as which of your friends you tell, and which of your friends you don’t tell. My rule is, if the guy’s friend is probably somebody he would invite to be a part of his wedding (i.e. a bridesmaid or a groom), you shouldn’t tell that person. I would MUCH prefer that a guy I’m dating befriend a couple of MY friends (guy and girl) who have knew me before I started this job (and have been there for me with the ups and downs of this business) because they can give a whoever I’m dating a much better perspective about how well the brothel industry works for me.

Often it’s useless if a person I am dating confides in a friend about my profession. Unless my significant other’s friend is in the adult industry in some way, they will have no way of relating, or giving advice. Often people who have never been in the industry know nothing about it, and their opinions of all aspects of the sex industry are extremely negative. Those negative opinions can be extremely destructive to any budding relationship.

Regardless of what job I have, hopes of a serious relationship are lost when my partner’s friends have a negative opinion of his me. My friends know me well enough to see that my job is not a barrier to my ability to have a relationship. I want to share that part of my world with a potential boyfriend, so he can see….I’m not like most girls….and my job is NOT a problem.

You should talk to/befriend my bodyguard – my closest guy friend. Its with my guy friends that I share my ups and downs of whoever I am in love with. If there is anybody who could tell the person I love that they have got nothing to worry about, it would be my guy friends, because they hear all about how much I really love someone, and when its genuine.

Q. So you think its possible to be faithful and still work in a brothel? A. Totally. What’s changed about my views since working there is that faithfulness and commitment has to be all in your mind and in your heart.

If you are committed to a person in your mind…if you truly love and care about them…you make a DECISION to be committed to that person, and that’s that. In fact, I’d say if you’re in a relationship and working in a brothel, a couple needs to sit down and make a verbal agreement with each other as to EXACTLY what those rules of commitment really are.

The biggest problem happens if you (like in my case with my Ex) end up in a relationship with somebody for the convenience factor: Because you like having somebody to go home to, like the sex, or having a place to stay and somebody to watch movies with. If I’m not that into someone, I don’t think a relationship with anyone could work. Casual relationships aren’t my style and the stress of trying to have one while in a brothel affects my ability to work. I think the same is the case for many of the other brothel girls I talk with. With the economy the way it is, often this job requires our complete focus as it can be very competitive. We don’t need a fight with someone back home to get in the way of our money making. However….if two people are really into each other, I think they will find a way to make the relationship work no matter what kind of job they are doing.

Q. So what is faithfulness to you given your work situation?
A. Well if I’m into somebody, I’m really committed to them in my mind. Nobody else can possibly compare to them, or even if someone did, I choose to be blind to all that.

What you have to keep your guard up for is regulars coming into your work and trying to convince you that your significant other isn’t that great, because they would rather get that kind of attention from you. Sometimes even other girls at the brothel will try to do the same thing if they want you to have fling with them on the job. As long as you put up a barrier and don’t leave your relationship a topic for debate, its fine.

Q. But isn’t it a little one sided when you’re sleeping with all these people and the guy doesn’t do the same thing? A. I actually have a couple friends who have agreed with their significant others that “hey, fair is fair, If I’m gonna work in a brothel and fuck people all the time, then you can go fuck whoever you want whenever you want, so long as your heart doesn’t get involved with that person and it remains strictly sex only.”

You start to learn that faithfullness and committment doesn’t have to be about pinning a person down. For us in this business, its being committed to letting people be who they are, and to love them with an open mind.

I think the rest of the world could learn a lot as far as “loving with an open mind” because so many people get into relationships expecting a person to be different than how they actually are.

I’ve had potential suitors ask me,
“Well how long do you plan on being in this business?”
“Don’t you want a family?”

Getting into a relationship expecting change is no way to go about loving somebody.

Q. Do you believe you can fall in love?
Yea, most people are just stupid and I’m not that into them, but its possible! Usually its a one way street – I love them and they don’t love me back….but that’s ok. All you can do is let yourself love. Being loved is sure to follow.

Brothel Babe’s TRIFECTA (Bonus Edition!): The Softer Side

26 Oct

NOTE: This is the BONUS to my weekend trifecta.
Today is the softer side. What is the softer side? The softer side is learning to bask in the glow of something different than what you’re used to.

THE SOFTER SIDE:

Why courting a ho (in small doses) is essential: Your favorite ho is so confident about sex, she knows she can take home anyone from the bar she wants on a Friday night and bang them, just like guys do. Prior to her Ho-existence, conquests were her thing. But, brothels are a little different. She’s spent months working HARD to make guys fuck her….because its hard to convince guys to part with cash they don’t have. She’s WORKED to the point of killing almost all of her feminine spirit – that magic thing that makes a woman a woman.

    Cut this hard working ho a break:

Whether she admits it or not, a key part of the rebuilding her spirit is a little precious ROMANCE. After honing her expert skills of who is worthy of being on the receiving end of her heart, her intuition is pretty keen and she wants to show some tender affection. Chances are, she’s getting more generous in the kindness she shows to her friends. You might have noticed this. There is a different kind of affection too – one that she’s been waiting to give to somebody who truly deserves it.

Your favorite girl needs to know if you’ll let her show you a new way of doing things, and if you’ll return the favor in showing her your way of doing things too. Its cool if dudes don’t buy into tradition, but you’ll have to show her if you’ll be accept being on the receiving end of her quiet offering.

How can you do this?

Share your life. Your joys. Your frustrations.
Even if your day was boring, she probably wants to hear about it.

The Kiss.

The Glance.

The Love Songs

The unwarranted phone call. You can make up an important reason if you want to,
but the best reason is no reason!

The Lengthy Embrace.

Let her be there for you for the little things.

Curling up on the couch at midnight and falling asleep.

Without fucking.

Yes, you read that right.

The last thing she wants is for it to feel like work, and she’s really embarrassed
that her formerly favorite pastime has (temporarily!) lost a little bit of its allure and sparkle.
Sex can be restored to its former glow soon (with the right person, in the right situation, with the right patience.)
but right now…she’s more enjoying sitting and listening to the rain.
That’s a woman for ya.

Before you get down and party, you have to rebuild the mighty Aphrodite.

How to keep a Ho – A Complete Guide (Part 2 of the weekend Trifecta.)

23 Oct

NOTE: This is post 2 out of 3 in the Whore Holy Grail…..Brothel Babe’s Trifecta, the Weekend Edition. Tomorrow I’m talking about the L-Bomb.  Just to let you know, I have been stalked by my adoring fans all weekend. In addition to all of the attention making me want to curl up in a ball and vomit, its also making me stick to my guns with my “weekend trifecta” plan.  And to the douche who told me he didn’t believe that I was ever real whore and I write fiction….I’m going to SCAN A COPY of my whore license and SCAN COPIES of my whore paperwork, and UPLOAD my PHOTOS of me in my HO OUTFITS,  just to shut your mouth.

Ok, I’m done.

I’m going to go buy the Wristcutters: A Love Story DVD now. Happy Sunday.

THE HUMOROUS SIDE:

– A gifting of Bad Taste Bears are acceptable. (Pictured above.)

– Soft stubble is acceptable and trimmed pubes over shaven. Just sayin.

-Open two way discussion of chicks you think are hot. One straight man crush is also acceptable.

-Never playing the victim, the lonely card, the pity card, or the nice guy card, EVER. The best game is No Game. JUST BE YOU.

– An admitted love of porn. Having a favorite Gods Girl or Suicide Girl Model is fucking rad. If your favorite porno girl has fake tits, lets hope her doc did a good job.
(If her boobs look like they could be popped with a pin, that is not a “good job.” )

– Hi Tech non-latex condoms such as Lifestyles Skyns –OR– (see below)

– A fucking glowing copy of your STD blood test results, pasted on your fridge to prove you tested clean. Bring it to your 3rd date if you are feeling ballsy.

– Judd Apatow films

-Dirty hop hop, Salt N’ Pepa, ghetto or 90s booty music, of any kind, to be shared when the proper occasion arrives. The proper occasion to bust out such jams is in
your living room. This kind of music makes a Ho feel nostalgic.

– Some goddamn confidence! If you are awesome at something, boast that shit.

– Be able to share at least ONE crazy sex story in detail without naming names. Its Aural Sex: The secret to getting below a Ho’s waist can be through her ears.

-Easy with the nipples. You can fuck her hard, but don’t go hard on the nipples. If you do, a flood of nipple trauma memories will come flooding to her brain. Be gentle, and this won’t happen.

– Whisper her name. She’s probably used to hearing a different name at work. Use her real name, and you’ll remind her where she is. It will make her happy.

-Make a special sexy music mix that is reflective of your personality. Men with unique tastes are sexy….don’t be afraid to sprinkle the mix with some of your favorite “Guilty Pleasure” music.

-Be able to talk openly and honestly about ONE girl from your past. We don’t need (or want!) the whole history book. Ho’s hear about women from a man’s past all the time. Your ability to talk candidly about one woman you loved greatly shows much about a man’s character.

– NEVER call her by her Ho name.

– Do not suggest pimp n’ ho costumes for Halloween

– To be a good Pimp, a good Pimp will never lend out his favorite Ho. You can share her on a non-sexual level, but always ask.

– NEVER look in her eyes longingly while saying in an iffy tone, “I think I’m falling for you.” while glancing back to see if she returns the favor. It’s a pussy move only attempted by weaklings.

A confident man knows his Ho loves him, without having to ask for her approval.

She’s seen this a jillion times before. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a wimp, or a guy who plays strong but suddenly gets wimpy about his love for a real woman.

How To Lose a Ho in 10 Dates or Less

23 Oct

1. Send her love songs via email and say, “Here, this song that talks about Cocaine reminds me of you.”
2. Begin a sentence with the following three words: “We’re meant to…
3. Flowers, teddybears, or chocolates
4. Talk about marriage (gag me.)
5. Take being a gentleman seriously
6. Testicle Stubble
7. Stubble in general
8. Magnum condoms on your dresser
9. Introduce her to your friends but give some convoluted back story on how you two met
10. Ask, “So, how much?”

Maybe I’s ghey. Baby Pipe Dreams and Car Ride Reflections

5 Sep

I have not told you the aspirations I have had since the tender age of 17.

When I was 17,  I went to this hippie raver fest that was in the afternoon on a perfect spring day in the park.

There were DJ’s, an old VW bug that little kids were painting with bright colors, a man on stilts, massage tables, people with kites, and somebody had tied a tire swing to a tree.

I decided this would be a perfect time to take Ecstasy and sit in the warm sun with one of my closest gay male friends, Wesley.

At this time in my life I carried around a small book – a “Quote book” – it was black a hard cover and had gold gilded pages. I filled it with all the funny things my friends said.

Like when I was 16 and one of the first times I had sex and my first boyfriend had eaten lots of curry.  I said, “You have lava semen.” I was told to put that in the book.  That gives you some idea of its content.

There I was, enjoying people watching and all the happy children and puppies and the wind blowing in my hair, and I said, “I don’t think I want all my kids by the same dad.”

Wesley gets a quirky smile and says, “You are writing that down,  NOW.”

That phrase has stuck with me more than any of the things I have ever said regarding relationships

When I daydream about the kids I have…there’s multiples.

The one my Wesley and I will have. That child I hope will be a girl. Even if she gets the worst features from each of us, she’ll come out looking damn near PERFECT. That’s a deal he and I made that if I couldn’t find the love of my life by the time I was 30, I would call him up and ask him to be my sperm donor.

There’s also the metal drummer that I fell for. Smart fellow, who could have been a scientist in another life. But he’s all about metal.
He got married to his metal girlfriend, even though they decided they don’t want kids. I asked, “If I can’t find anybody to have kids with, wanna help me out?”

And he said YES.

Then I think about Mr. Wrong. I have yet to determine if he will be part of my baby-daddy fantasy.
After spending 3 weeks with Katrina….kind of falling for her a little bit…
I thought to myself, “Wow, his is the first time somebody GETS ME this much. What I’m……gggg-g..ggg”

I realized right then and there, I love dick too much to go gay.
But it would be the easiest way to live out my baby-daddy fantasy.

One of the regulars who I told this fantasy to while I had a boyfriend…said I should disclose such matters to a boyfriend. I keep thinking I’ll outgrow the fantasy, but it hasn’t happened yet.

P.S. These were all car ride reflections I had on my 6 hour ride home.  I’m taking a 3 day vacation and am hoping to rendezvous with Mr. Wrong. Whilst technically this is a blog about living IN a brothel, part of what is essential to brothel life, is life away from the brothel, and how well you manage to blend the two.  I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow.