Tag Archives: divorce

Maybe I’s ghey. Baby Pipe Dreams and Car Ride Reflections

5 Sep

I have not told you the aspirations I have had since the tender age of 17.

When I was 17,  I went to this hippie raver fest that was in the afternoon on a perfect spring day in the park.

There were DJ’s, an old VW bug that little kids were painting with bright colors, a man on stilts, massage tables, people with kites, and somebody had tied a tire swing to a tree.

I decided this would be a perfect time to take Ecstasy and sit in the warm sun with one of my closest gay male friends, Wesley.

At this time in my life I carried around a small book – a “Quote book” – it was black a hard cover and had gold gilded pages. I filled it with all the funny things my friends said.

Like when I was 16 and one of the first times I had sex and my first boyfriend had eaten lots of curry.  I said, “You have lava semen.” I was told to put that in the book.  That gives you some idea of its content.

There I was, enjoying people watching and all the happy children and puppies and the wind blowing in my hair, and I said, “I don’t think I want all my kids by the same dad.”

Wesley gets a quirky smile and says, “You are writing that down,  NOW.”

That phrase has stuck with me more than any of the things I have ever said regarding relationships

When I daydream about the kids I have…there’s multiples.

The one my Wesley and I will have. That child I hope will be a girl. Even if she gets the worst features from each of us, she’ll come out looking damn near PERFECT. That’s a deal he and I made that if I couldn’t find the love of my life by the time I was 30, I would call him up and ask him to be my sperm donor.

There’s also the metal drummer that I fell for. Smart fellow, who could have been a scientist in another life. But he’s all about metal.
He got married to his metal girlfriend, even though they decided they don’t want kids. I asked, “If I can’t find anybody to have kids with, wanna help me out?”

And he said YES.

Then I think about Mr. Wrong. I have yet to determine if he will be part of my baby-daddy fantasy.
After spending 3 weeks with Katrina….kind of falling for her a little bit…
I thought to myself, “Wow, his is the first time somebody GETS ME this much. What I’m……gggg-g..ggg”

I realized right then and there, I love dick too much to go gay.
But it would be the easiest way to live out my baby-daddy fantasy.

One of the regulars who I told this fantasy to while I had a boyfriend…said I should disclose such matters to a boyfriend. I keep thinking I’ll outgrow the fantasy, but it hasn’t happened yet.

P.S. These were all car ride reflections I had on my 6 hour ride home.  I’m taking a 3 day vacation and am hoping to rendezvous with Mr. Wrong. Whilst technically this is a blog about living IN a brothel, part of what is essential to brothel life, is life away from the brothel, and how well you manage to blend the two.  I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow.