Tag Archives: sexual essay

Humpday Essay: Zapatos Bandito

25 Aug

Since Wednesday is “Humpday” and all – every week I’m going to give you a detailed description of whoever I bone on Wednesday – whether good or bad.

Zapatos Bandito
take your zapatos off next time
Its shortly after midnight.

There is one Mexicano in the bar.

The old owner of this place (god rest his soul) used to refer to the Mexicans as our “bread and butter” – especially come winter.

I didn’t much feel like talking or fucking but my co-worker Dinna (she is from Greece) down the hall tells me in her accent, “the Mexican in the parlor was looking at you. You should talk to him. He’ll be an easy $100.00 and he comes quick.”

(For those of you who don’t know, its standard fare that any time a Mexican comes in here, he can get a super quickie for $100.00. He’ll get 10 minutes or less on the clock, and any Mexican who tries to bargain for more, knows that he is trying to get more than the standard rate for the standard time. I have gotten more time out of a Mexican before, but they come in packs, and they come regularly – I don’t view them so much as sex as I do a means of “clearing my rent” for the day.)

I take my friends advice, and I talk to him. I talk first in english.

I get him to agree to go to my room.

Then I say, “como te llamas?” and I discern from his “blahblahblah” that he says, “you know Spanish, you are full of it!” and I tell him, “no I do not know spanish, I am from California, so I have a good accent.

My espan-yole es oooon po-kee-to.” I tell him.

Back in my room, my typical opening line:

“Sexo y mal mal?” I say (sex and blow job?)

“no, only sexo” he says.

“quantos tee-em-po?” (how much time?)

“quantos for twenty minutes” he says.

“beinte min-u-tos es dos ciento sinquenta.” (250 bucks for 20 minutes.)

“No no no!” He says. Too much.

He wants more time, he only has 100 bucks.

“Oh no!” I say.

“All the Mexicanos know you get dies minutos pour cien!”

“Keensay minutos?” he asks (15 minutes)

“Dos-ay minutos!” I say. 12 minutes. Final offer.

“No? Ok lets go. “

We start walking down the hall.

Almost back in the parlor he says,

“Trace-ay minutos!” (13 minutes.)

Ok, deal.

Whatever. I only make them put 10 on the clock anyway.

Which is above my typical “8 Mexican minutes” for 100 bucks.

They usually cum in five anyway, so it never matters.

I get back and this guy doesn’t want to take off his clothes.

“You don’t even wanna take off your zapatos?” I ask (shoes.)

No, he says. This guy wants to leave his fuckin’ shoes on.

Ok. Whatever.

Then I wonder if Dinna was getting karmic payback for when I dirty hustled her because this guy had a larger-than-average dick, fucked hard, and DID NOT CUM anywhere close to “early”! What the hell was she talking about?

He wanted it from behind, he wanted to put me in this weird sideways direction…and I’m sitting here thinking about all of this while my bed is moving sideways, I’m falling off, and the position is generally uncomfortable.

The sideways fuck hurts my pussy, and I don’t like these acrobatics.

At least I just worked out prior, and stretched, and did the splits. Otherwise, my legs wouldn’t have been so accommodating either.

The sweat…too.

One LONE BEAD OF SWEAT dripped from HIS FACE, as if in slow motion, on to MY FACE.

I really wanted to pry him off of me and was wondering when the hell the new boss was gonna call “time’s up.”

By the end of the fuck I knew I’d been had by Dinna. At least he paid my rent.

“Mas tiempo?” he asks.

Wanting to pay me for more time.

No”, I say,

“Your penis is muy grande and my vagina is done.”

“Maybe next time you will take off your shoes!”